Post by iffix on Nov 20, 2005 19:24:09 GMT -8
I'm not sure if this is the right board 
but anyways, if it is. Tell me what you think.
I’m right, as usual. Neopets the PS2 game is no better than Neopets the internet tragedy.
The worst thing about the game is how it totally bombs something so easy: making an appealing front cover. The front is total crap. It actually shows Neopets fighting evil – big mistake. No one wants to look at Neopets. Ever.
And who names a game ‘Darkest Faerie’. Newsflash, no one wants to fight fairies, or pixies. God. Let me tell you how I came upon this beast.
Today I went down to EB Games to grab a new form of entertainment, a cool game where the point was to kill as many helpless creatures as possible. That’s right: Shadow of the Colossus.
However, the game /wasn’t/ there, turns out so many people loved murdering helpless creatures that it was actually sold out for the day. She said they’d have a new load of copies by tomorrow, but reminded me that I should get to the store quickly, as it is a very popular game.
I told her ‘whatever’ in a somewhat annoyed tone, and looked around the store. I certainly wasn’t going to leave the store – not after I spent five minutes crossing the street and entering the mall. But there was arguably little to do in this videogame stop. Sure, you could look at the back of the games – but most games just pale in comparison to murdering innocent animals.
That’s when I noticed some pansy 15 year-old crying at his mom for making him leave the store, and his obviously favorite pastime – playing the Neopets videogame.
I assume this kid was really quere, because he was actually crying and making a scene in front of all of us cool gamers. He didn’t care that he was a cry baby, he didn’t care that he needed his mom to change his clothes. All he cared about was playing some crappy Neopets game.
Pretty much everyone in the store took a moment to laugh at the kid. Even the clerks, who had stopped selling and giving consumer help – just to laugh at this loser.
Eventually the mom had dragged him out of the store at the bribery of ice-cream later. This seemed pretty unlikely, the mother had clearly been restraining herself to beat the boy to death in the store – when they got home she was probably going to kill him.
After a good laugh everyone got back to checking out games and comparing which features and characters they liked best. I took this opportunity to try out the latest Neopets installment, and I’m happy to say – I was right again.
Some of you may recall me saying that Neopets will never succeed outside of their website. Many of you doubted me, arguing that Neopets had solid characters and plots so far, therefore why would they change such a popular pattern?
To answer this: The people that work for Neopets are /all/ mommas boys, convicted to coming up with weak plots and stupid, cliché characters. You find the characters exciting on the website because you have no sense of imagination, and are all about boring sword heroes on a quest to do some idiot task no one could care if accomplished or not.
This game actually proves (and magnifies) just how much Neopets blows.
For the level I sampled, I was a sword-wielding Lupe, debatably the coolest thing Neopets has /ever/ come up with. Basically I was trudging through some sort of swamp, and just chillin’.
All of a sudden some fat enemies? that look more like eggs than any sort of soldiers come out at me. Using pure instinct I start wasting them with my sword, they got wasted so easily that I actually kept hitting the attack button sometime after, hoping that the enemies would come back and fight me as ghosts.
No ghosts came. I just kept chillin’.
------
Neopets may seem like a total loss and waste of money if you’ve already purchased it. In fact – it may even feel like a burden. But if you have someone you really hate and want to die, like your grandma, or your dog. Then give this game to them, it may not be death but there’s a possibility the crappy graphics may inflict an epileptic seizure.
The most rabid Neopets fans will probably get the worst from this game. It gives ‘rabid Neopets fans’ a whole new meaning. You will actually get rabies from playing this game, and it’s possible that you could also get cancer.
This game is bad, flat out. No one should have to be put through this, not even a god.
Additionally, because of this game I had to leave the store and go home.
I felt /that/ bad. There is no worse feeling than playing Neopets: The Darkest Faerie – it’s a fact.
No one buy this game, if you do then you will regret it and feel like cutting yourself. If a goth played this game then they would thrust themselves into a spiraling abyss of blood, hatred, and despair. Arguably most goths would enjoy this, but heed my warning: Neopets freaking blows.
but anyways, if it is. Tell me what you think.I’m right, as usual. Neopets the PS2 game is no better than Neopets the internet tragedy.
The worst thing about the game is how it totally bombs something so easy: making an appealing front cover. The front is total crap. It actually shows Neopets fighting evil – big mistake. No one wants to look at Neopets. Ever.
And who names a game ‘Darkest Faerie’. Newsflash, no one wants to fight fairies, or pixies. God. Let me tell you how I came upon this beast.
Today I went down to EB Games to grab a new form of entertainment, a cool game where the point was to kill as many helpless creatures as possible. That’s right: Shadow of the Colossus.
However, the game /wasn’t/ there, turns out so many people loved murdering helpless creatures that it was actually sold out for the day. She said they’d have a new load of copies by tomorrow, but reminded me that I should get to the store quickly, as it is a very popular game.
I told her ‘whatever’ in a somewhat annoyed tone, and looked around the store. I certainly wasn’t going to leave the store – not after I spent five minutes crossing the street and entering the mall. But there was arguably little to do in this videogame stop. Sure, you could look at the back of the games – but most games just pale in comparison to murdering innocent animals.
That’s when I noticed some pansy 15 year-old crying at his mom for making him leave the store, and his obviously favorite pastime – playing the Neopets videogame.
I assume this kid was really quere, because he was actually crying and making a scene in front of all of us cool gamers. He didn’t care that he was a cry baby, he didn’t care that he needed his mom to change his clothes. All he cared about was playing some crappy Neopets game.
Pretty much everyone in the store took a moment to laugh at the kid. Even the clerks, who had stopped selling and giving consumer help – just to laugh at this loser.
Eventually the mom had dragged him out of the store at the bribery of ice-cream later. This seemed pretty unlikely, the mother had clearly been restraining herself to beat the boy to death in the store – when they got home she was probably going to kill him.
After a good laugh everyone got back to checking out games and comparing which features and characters they liked best. I took this opportunity to try out the latest Neopets installment, and I’m happy to say – I was right again.
Some of you may recall me saying that Neopets will never succeed outside of their website. Many of you doubted me, arguing that Neopets had solid characters and plots so far, therefore why would they change such a popular pattern?
To answer this: The people that work for Neopets are /all/ mommas boys, convicted to coming up with weak plots and stupid, cliché characters. You find the characters exciting on the website because you have no sense of imagination, and are all about boring sword heroes on a quest to do some idiot task no one could care if accomplished or not.
This game actually proves (and magnifies) just how much Neopets blows.
For the level I sampled, I was a sword-wielding Lupe, debatably the coolest thing Neopets has /ever/ come up with. Basically I was trudging through some sort of swamp, and just chillin’.
All of a sudden some fat enemies? that look more like eggs than any sort of soldiers come out at me. Using pure instinct I start wasting them with my sword, they got wasted so easily that I actually kept hitting the attack button sometime after, hoping that the enemies would come back and fight me as ghosts.
No ghosts came. I just kept chillin’.
------
Neopets may seem like a total loss and waste of money if you’ve already purchased it. In fact – it may even feel like a burden. But if you have someone you really hate and want to die, like your grandma, or your dog. Then give this game to them, it may not be death but there’s a possibility the crappy graphics may inflict an epileptic seizure.
The most rabid Neopets fans will probably get the worst from this game. It gives ‘rabid Neopets fans’ a whole new meaning. You will actually get rabies from playing this game, and it’s possible that you could also get cancer.
This game is bad, flat out. No one should have to be put through this, not even a god.
Additionally, because of this game I had to leave the store and go home.
I felt /that/ bad. There is no worse feeling than playing Neopets: The Darkest Faerie – it’s a fact.
No one buy this game, if you do then you will regret it and feel like cutting yourself. If a goth played this game then they would thrust themselves into a spiraling abyss of blood, hatred, and despair. Arguably most goths would enjoy this, but heed my warning: Neopets freaking blows.
