rebellion.

[cry,crayola.]

Where is my affectious retreat
in which so wrongly set into these walls?
This place is no home of right.
Take a walk for seven days.
Lets break down these timeless fears
that have slowly started to crumble.
Blame it on everyone else but yourself.
and stay ignorant till the final war cry.
These walls made to hold will fall at Jericho.
Tumbling, tumbling down.

But where is our place to determinly react?
None, friend, which we have gained.
So stuck in the confines of layers of walls

Those in my mind, truly meant to protect.
Those which cause the need for the mental barrier
will shamefully stand
knowing that the battle is only beginning.

[cry,crayola.]

please?
i think i might want to change the title, though. not sure.

[Ramona]

Take a walk for seven days.
For some reason I find this line to be extremely powerful. I think it's the addition of an actual period of time that makes it more impactive (Is that even a word? If it's not, it should be.)

Lets break down these timeless fears
that have slowly started to crumble.
Blame it on everyone else but yourself.
and stay ignorant till the final war cry.
I like this conflict here. It's very cool.

Those which cause the need for the mental barrier
"Barrier" seems a bit awkward here.

[paperhouses]

You know, I've spent so long at school reading and analysing poetry that I'd forgotton how beautiful some poetry can be. Thank you for reminding me.

I love the line 'take a walk for seven days', I think using a number gives it a certain certainty and power, but my favourite lines are 'These walls made to hold will fall at Jericho. Tumbling, tumbling down', though I can't explain why these lines hit me.

The only line which doesn't seem to fit is 'Those which cause the need for the mental barrier'; 'mental barier' just doesn't quite sound right

[paperhouses]

Ok, I didn't read Ramona's post before I wrote that, and I appear to have echoed her on some points. Sorry about that

[cry,crayola.]

alright,
the whole point for the mental barrier, though, is something connecting to the actual fall of the walls and those put up in the mind to shield out the persistance of opression.

what would explain that better?
or should i cut it?
well, the last stanza really is what ties it into the relation.

hm.

[paperhouses]

it doesn't need cutting, just rewording. Perhaps even just rearranging the phrase so that the word barrier isn't at the end (eg. the mental barrier for which they cause the need - but not that because it changes the subject, but you get the jist) would make it flow more easily

[cry,crayola.]

how about
"those which cause these standstill showdowns."

?