Control Freak *Warning*

[Ramona]

Just to let y'all know, I am not anorexic (neither nervosa nor athletica,) I am not bulimic, and I'm am not a restrictive eater. I do not think like this, but it is a topic I researched for an article and has become one very close to my heart.

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Don't.
Don't, don't, dont.
Don't put that in your fucking mouth.

Vacant: Empty.
Like my stomach.
Like my stare.
Like my head.
Remember the yard sale you got that plate from?

That's right.
Think about anything bu what's on it.

Remember? The guy tried to say it was china.
But you can spot a fake from a mile away,
Can't you?

Then how come you can't see the superficiality in yourself?
Underneath you're just a little girl playing dress-up in mommy's clothes.
Because they're the only thing you're disgusting body is too small for.

Whore.
Bitch.
Slut.
Stop shoveling that fucking food in your mouth,
Don't let that shit make it past your throat.

Expulsion: to have been forcefully removed.
Like my consciousness.
Like my good habits.
Like my sanity.

But while everything is crashing, afterwards, when the dust settles...
When will the dust settle?
Will it ever?
It'll just hang in the air like the decaying breath of a thousand dead bodies.
Killed by arrythmias and other Complications.

Don't eat that.
You'd better send that right back up.
Food is fat and fat is failure.

But you've already tried for help, haven't you?
And none of them could help you out.
They said you weren't thin enough to fall into their Categories.

Even the fucking doctors think you're not thin enough.
Eating is the only thing you can control anymore.
Everything else just happens at the worst possible times.

Current weight: 112 lbs.
Not thin enough.

Not thin enough for an ED.
Not thin enough for the mirror.
Not thin enough for the magazines.
Not thin enough for yourself.

Target weight: 85 lbs.

[ScarletMornings]

very angry, very violent. i think you did a fantastic job with this topic, the obsession and the anger and the insanity of it is conveyed clearly. very, very good job.

[Ramona]

Thank you very much. Was there anything you didn't like?

[ScarletMornings]

occasionally the format threw me off, but when i was done, it all made sense and i realized the format is perfect. i kinda like how it threw me off and made me stop and think about what was happening so far. it also gave good emphasis to some parts, so nope, no crit that i can think of right now.

[Ramona]

Yeah, I was kind of iffy about the format, I thought it might be confusing if the reader was just thrown in there, but I was trying to provide an unsettling, and slightly disorienting feel that peaked the reader's curiosity at the same time.
Thanks for your comments.

[darktears]

Ah, I loved this.
It made me feel slightly disturbed but I enjoyed that.
Nice job.

[Robin]

I thought it was blunt, very blunt, but that just really contributed to the violence of it. Nice work.

Sorry for the short response. XP I'd go off onto a long tangent about it, but I got some sort of carpal tunnel and yeah it's hard to type with wrist braces. Just know that I think this was nice.

[Ramona]

Thanks to both of you.