Adieu, My Love (Goodbyes in Stone)

[ScarletMornings]

Adieu, my love
I bid thee go
Unnecessary is mine heart
A happy captive of thine own
Alas, though daybreak calls thee forth,
And already I mourn your departure from this, once a home
I will smile as you leave
For you go with my adieu, my love
For isn't it far better a little than always alone?

Familiar is the retreating back
The dark, beloved disappearing head
Fronted in face by features of breathtaking stone
A softly many spoken goodbye, my love
Surely is better than only a single polite hello?
They say a memory will last and comfort through the years
While regretful if-onlys only breed bitterness to the bones
Perhaps a mere curious glance would've been better
But surely better to love and lose again and again, mon ami
Than to wonder forever if he was the one?

Clip-clop of thou horse's hoofs may be a lonely sound,
Echoed in a courtyard of unforgiving stone,
But the sound, in welcome, oh sweet!
Seems to mask the fading of your presence from mine home
Return again, my love
Adieu is not forever
Praise God, thy lips' sweet heats are well-known
'Tis hard to go on this way for always
But love allows pride no merci
I will wait forever, if thou wish it
Though the waiting turn me to cold stone

I pray only that, if it were so
You would kiss mine frozen lips
Hard and cold and unforgiving
As the secret, shamed meeting have made your own cherie
Faithful, loving down to her icy bones
And bid me a sweet soft Adieu!
For I realize love can't truly live alone

The soft adieu, mon ami, my love!
A word that in its own self
Can contain an unspoken language all its own
The bittersweet adieu, my love
Before you ride away from me
Taking with you mine heart's own home

But for now, adieu, mon ami, my love
I wish thou well wherever thou may go
And I bid thee the soft adieu
Remember what I've said, ami
Perhaps when you ride back
I will sit forever embraced in sweet, hard stone like you
Oh sweet heaven, adieu, goodbye!
Pray return prepared to love
My heart and I grow weary of adieus in stone!

~quick note~
hope i didn't mangle any of the french, i was going mainly just on things I've heard my sister say (she had high school french) and also, this is the first thing i've written in a billion years, so go easy on me. i wrote it late and i was tired, so meh. i don't know.

[Queen of Rain]

And its amaaaaaazing.. Really lovely piece
- I love the "While regretful if-onlys only breed bitterness to the bones" sooo much..

Rhytmically you depend a lot on your language which works excellent. I would like to start the poem a bit slower tho through
Unnecessary is
mine heart
and then a paragraph break.. cos now the third line is just cramped between two rhythms and it would work better as a transition this way and thus emphasise the brilliance in that phrase (and til a week ago i always regarded my heart as unecessary)...

I want to point out that the 4th paragraph is brilliant but that im a little bit discontent with the last stanza.. the entire first part of it is just repetitions of repetitions - I would probably recommend a cutting
But for now, adieu, mon ami, my love
I wish thou well wherever thou may go
I will sit forever embraced in sweet, hard stone like you
Pray return prepared to love, Goodbye
My heart and I grow weary of adieus in stone!

[ScarletMornings]

thank you so much for the comment. i was really worried about this one because i just didn't know what to think. i see what you mean about the beginning, i will try your suggestion. i'm not sure if i want to cut out all the repetitions in the last stanza, i kinda wanted it to be like a culmination of the words and feelings the woman is expressing (can you tell it's a woman?) but i will definetely think about cutting it some, perhaps not as much as you suggested. thanks again for the crit!

[Robin]

I don't think the Old English wording did much for this poem, at least not coupled with the French. It irked me a bit, because it felt like the two clashed a lot.

Besides that, I liked it. I didn't see any glaring errors.

[ScarletMornings]

the reason for the old english and the french was i kinda wanted to give the idea of conflict between the man (english) and the woman (french). i was trying to give the impression she was french and he was english too.

[cry,crayola.]

this is beautiful, rowe. i love the imagery and the emotion all throughout this piece.