Damn Him (for a friend, warning: i say damn a lot)

[ScarletMornings]

so, this is about a horrible time one of my friends was having, and i was feeling very angry towards the person who caused it. so, don't tear me apart, okay?


One more time
I can hear her crying inside
she won’t ever let me see it
but I know she’s doing it
one more time she’s broken
and she turns to him to fix it

So tentative, she tries
fearlessly giving faith
we never would’ve guess it would be misplaced
how does it all disappear
months of “love”
gone in a day
all she can ask is why
and I can’t even give her a damn answer
because I just don’t know
he fixed her
now he’s broke her
like some shiny toy he wanted so long
but, ah, human nature is so fickle
we only want something until we get it
then we throw it down in pieces

So I try and help her pick herself up
but I know I'm not helping
I can’t understand how she could waste herself
throw away the indescribable person she is
on someone who obviously never really gave a damn about her in the first place
and I'm harsh and loud and cutting
and she just sits and accepts it
just like she sits and accepts that she’s somehow in the wrong
when I just want to scream “Look at what you’re saying!”
she’s so willing to settle for so little
when she is worth so damn much

And he doesn’t even understand why on earth she would be hurt
he really just doesn’t grasp what he’s done to her
and me
I'm left to try and fix her the best I can
with damn super glue that always gets stuck to my fingers
I want my friend back, damn it
and I don’t want her broken
left to rust in her dusty memories
that she can’t seem to let go of
I'm trying and trying and trying
to help her let go and move on
and she’s trying and trying and trying
to do just that
but I know that she is hurting
broken
and I'm just not the one to fix her
I'm just a damn replacement who’s failing miserably

Oh, my dears, God tells us not to hate
how many times has my mother told me I don’t hate
I just “strongly dislike”?
well, damn it, she’s wrong
strongly dislike doesn’t even cover it
I hate him
he rips her into shreds and walks away
and right in front of her admits without words
that she meant nothing to him
and all she can ask me is why?
and I still have no answer
because, really, is there even one?
I can’t give her the words she needs to just let go
and still she defends him, still she “loves” him
and she’s sitting there broken from his hands

As a matter of fact,
I want to know why, too
why can’t she see herself?
why does she insist on looking in some distorted mirror
the same one that reflects him as someone worthy of her
when she is so infinitely better it boggles the mind
please, please, please, my friend
smash that mirror in
and just let go
God says don’t hate
well, I'm sorry but I do
I hate that damn mirror
and hate the boy who put it in front of you
damn him

[Robin]

The only thing I didn't like was that you used 'damn' so much. Now, that's not because I'm against cursing or anything, it's because you could have had more...variety? As of now, using damn so much makes it sound a little more washed out than I think you intended it to be.

[ScarletMornings]

is there anything you could suggest to use instead of damn? i was very tired and mad when i wrote this and i guess i was in a damning kind of mood, lol. i agree that there are too many damns, but should i just take them out or should i change them to something else?

[behindTHEmask]

I think all the damn's just make it too angry. You want to get the anger out. Poems can sound angry toward something without going over board with curses. I don't think it's so much you need to replace damn, just edit some of it out.

[ScarletMornings]

okay, that's kinda what i thought. thanks.

[darktears]

I guess I do agree with them. Damn is just used so much that it gets quite...well boring I guess. There's more you can use. Other then that. I like this. My favourite parts were

and I don’t want her broken
left to rust in her dusty memories

and

I'm left to try and fix her the best I can
with damn super glue that always gets stuck to my fingers

Those were my favourite parts.

[ScarletMornings]

thanks guys. any specific places where the damns seem really superfluous?(sp?)

[Robin]

I think that giving your cursing some more variety would help a lot, but editing out a lot of them would be excellent, too.

The third stanza and the last stanza seemed to have a lot of damns in them.

[ScarletMornings]

okay, i modified some. any better? anything that just seems like i should really fix with the damns anymore? and is there still too many?

[cry,crayola.]

eh. not as much as before, so it's not terribly bad.

ashley's lucky to have you, rowe.