The Shameful Joker and His Sad Clown -modified-

[Robin]

I don't know why I keep spewing this "dark" stuff, but I do, so I'm going to run with it. The meaning of this one was a little too obvious, even for me, but I wrote it, so that may just be it. I don't know what you guys will think, so...yeah.

---------

She was not content with the mundane:
She bought bright blue contacts for her eyes,
And a cloak of dye to stain her hair,
A blinding blonde, a piercing gold,
A color to cloud the sight of others,
To pull the wool over the eyes of an entire population.

No, she was not content with the mundane.
She lined her eyes with thick black eyeliner,
Coated her lips with a generous layer of color,
Always painting it on too thick, far too thick,
Making her lips seem less beautiful and more clown-like.
Because clown is what she was, hiding deep sorrow,
Shielding herself behind makeup and ruffles.

He was the joker, she was the clown,
But both were equally shameful.
The shameful joker and sad clown,
They both wrap themselves in a mantle of deceit,
Wearing long sleeves and turtlenecks,
Even in summer,
When the time for shameless capering is nigh.

Where she hid behind makeup, he hid behind a stereotype.

He sliced his arms and legs with his mother’s butcher knife,
Shuddering when she used it to cut dead meat,
Because it made him feel like dead meat, too,
And for the rest of the week he would makes vows,
Vows to never eat meat, because eating meat is wrong.

He listened to "unique" music,
And he managed to convince himself that it was unique,
Even though thousands of "goths" hummed the same tunes.
And like her, he wore too much eyeliner,
Painting it on in medieval patterns, all around his eyes,
At least an inch thick each day,
Dressing like the Shameful Joker he was.

He was a cat, just looking for a kitty,
A kitty to accent his medieval tomfoolery.
And she was a kitty, looking for a cat,
A cat to pretend that all her glamours were real.

They were the perfect couple.

Chucky to Tiffany.
Dracula to Mina.
The Shameful Joker and his Sad Clown.

-I changed it all to past tense. It sounded better to me, and it added consistancy. -

[cry,crayola.]

'When the time for shameless capering is nigh.'
-very nice

"Where she hid behind makeup, he hid behind a stereotype."
-for some reason, i like this a lot. i dunno, i guess i just like the comparison (i guess it is?) here.

"He was a cat, just looking for a kitty,
A kitty to accent his medieval tomfoolery.
And she was a kitty, looking for a cat,
A cat to pretend that all her glamours were real.
-a BRILLIANT comparison here. very nicely put, i think.

"He sliced his arms and legs with his mother’s butcher knife,
Shuddering when she used it to cut dead meat,
Because it made him feel like dead meat, too,
And for the rest of the week he would makes vows,
Vows to never eat meat, because eating meat is wrong."
-oooh. the thought of it makes me shudder. all just a little uncomfortable for me. but i guess that means you did a good job describing it.

"Instead shadowing himself with My Chemical Romance,
And Korn, and all those other “gothic” bands."
-i dunno about this. the description of what bands he listens to isn't important, it's the fact that he listens to gothic type music. and, when you say "all those other" it throws off the picture you've set up here, about this little gothic kid doing whatever. it's hard to explain what i'm trying to say........ ummm............. i dunno, it just messes up the whole darkness of it all, i think, and kinda makes it seem like you really don't know what you're talking about. don't let readers know that. paint them a flawless picture for them to wonder in awe.

all in all, i liked this poem. i think you do well with 'dark' topics, but then again, i haven't really read anything else from you, or have i? lol. i don't remember. it's break, so my mind auto. shuts down. bleh. neways, very very nice job. i like it, and applaud! *claps*

i think my favorite stanza is the third one. i like that you call them joker and clown and the way you describe them there.

[Robin]

Yeah. You're write. The music part in the stanza was pretty bogus.

I should have said something to the effect of "he listened to 'unique' music//it was unique even though a million other people listened to the same exact tunes." Something like that. I'll have to work on it.

I'm glad you liked it. The whole butcher-knife thing is slightly warped, when I look back on it, but it induced a strong emotion, so unless I get a lot of complaints, I probably won't change it. I actually kind of like the creepiness.

Did it feel odd to you that I switched from present tense to past tense?

I didn't mean to do it, but I had a Beth Hart song stuck in my head, and she was singing in past tense, so the third stanza kind of happened that way.

I'll probably just switch it all to present tense if you think it's weird.

[Ramona]

"Shielding herself behind makeup and ruffles."
Very cool line, very real.

"He sliced his arms and legs with his mother’s butcher knife,
Shuddering when she used it to cut dead meat,
Because it made him feel like dead meat, too"
I like the dark imagery in this pRt, especially the last line there.

[cry,crayola.]

oh! i didn't mean to complain! no, not at all! i was just commenting on the feeling i got from that........ one of the affects of having a crazy creative writing teacher who can't teach at all..... : / ahhh well.

i like unique. try it out! and, i thought the switch of 'tenses' was kinda nifty! )

[Robin]

Thanks, Ramona.

I guess you're right, cookies.

I didn't realize that I had switched tenses until I had finished writing it and had posted it, but it didn't turn out BAD, I guess.

If it doesn't bother anybody, I'll just leave it.

[cry,crayola.]

hmmm........ i didn't know smilies could come to life like that. weeeeird..........
*twilight zone music*