Darling, You Taste Such Great Things.

[behindTHEmask]

Behind The Poem: My mother's friend was diagnosed with cancer some time ago. She's been going through radiation, and everything seems hard for her. She wanted to take her play "The Last Flapper" across the states, but not she will not be able to accomplish such dreams. So, for Christmas, this is what I gave her.

Darling, You Taste Such Great Things.

The beauty seems shriveled, now
so wasted that the desert looks more moist.
Can it be that it all ends, now
when we’ve decided there’s been nothing done?

Glory praises us in silence
because as a world, we’ve chosen to see the decadence,
the other side of splendor.
Isn’t it true that two halves make us whole?
So what do you think you’re missing?

You’ve done so much
and attained such enormity behind those polished eyes.
Your songs were sung so pretty
Your screenplay written so deep –
you became more than you think you are.
Inspirational
Motivating
Moving
Original
and darling, I could go on, but
thesauruses are made for pride,
to make it seem like amazing stretches for miles
when it’s the little things that matter most.

You’ve done a glorious things, now, darling
making smiles turn to laughs
and times turn to memories –
films rearranging inside our heads.
You’re beautiful by the way you live,
the way you hope for greater things to be told.

The sky will be any color you want,
with a musical of clouds
singing and dancing to everything you are
and everything you will become
achieving something further –
closer to all those who’ve imagined.

The sky starves because it can’t feed you enough pleasures,
provide you with enough elegant tastes
to suit such a royal tongue.
But it’s trying so hard to let you win, darling.
Trying hard to make new tastes from foreign excursions.

[Robin]

That's sweet. Not the cancer part, but that you wrote a poem for her.

"The beauty seems shriveled, now
so wasted that the desert looks more moist."

This part appealed to me. It just stuck out at me when I started reading it. It's a strong way to start something, and it sucks the reader in. It was a good choice to open with.

"Glory praises us in silence
because as a world, we’ve chosen to see the decadence,
the other side of splendor."

Good wording. The choice of words such as "glory," "praises," "decadence," and "splendor" spell out a really vivid image for the reader, even if it is an abstract image. They're words that make you feel.

"Isn’t it true that two halves make us whole?
So what do you think you’re missing?"

Not my favorite part in the poem, but a neccesary one. It's blunt in comparison to the other lines in your poem, but it adds a needed contrast that keeps the reader awake.

The third stanza was just beyond any kind of reprimand. It was lovely. I was reminded of a director just madly going on and on about the brilliance of an actor's performance. It was beautiful.

"films rearranging inside our heads."

Rock moment. I was reminded of "and there's a demon in my head that starts to play a nightmare tape loop of what went wrong yesterday," but it was original in that sense. I've never seen somebody able to put something like that in their poem and manage to be neck-to-neck with writers like Stephan Jenkins.

The last stanzas were lovely, too. However, I think they were a little repetitive. You could have compressed them together and gotten your point across, but perhaps you wanted to draw out the ending because if you die of cancer it's drawn out...?

In any case, it was a lovely poem. I liked it.

[behindTHEmask]

For the last two, I wanted her to see the sides of her everyone loved. Not her as a whole, but in detail - broken down.

Thank you for your input.

[Robin]

I see. It makes sense now that you tell me what it was supposed to do.

Regardless of its purpose, it was still great.

You're welcome. =)

[cry,crayola.]

all i can see is the comma in the first line of the first stanza separating now. i'm not sure, but i don't think it should be there OR the word 'now' should be in the next line.

stanza 5 = WOW! that was my favorite of all. i really love this!!!

[Ramona]

I liked this, but it seemed as if in the third stanza you use too many words to describe one thing. I see how you wanted to repeat it for impact (right?) but maybe if you whittled it down to one or two more powerful words you would achieve the same effect.

[ScarletMornings]

and darling, I could go on, but
thesauruses are made for pride,
to make it seem like amazing stretches for miles
when it’s the little things that matter most

my favorite part. i think this is wonderful.

[behindTHEmask]

It wasn't necissarily for impact, Ramona, but for what Robin said about the director raving about such a preformance because that's what she wanted to be. That's what she was striving for all of her life. She gave up EVERYTHING for that play, and now it cannot go on.

Thank you for all of the input, here. All of you.