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Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 12, 2005 11:16:56 GMT -8
I'm ready now to smile and let you go as you happily trot off to your secret rendezvouz tapping along to the beat of my heart breaking the same sound as a pounding drum
I'm ready now to get my things together wrap them in the shreds of my pride wrap them in my arms so I can keep it all inside the show must go on when duty calls
I'm ready now to make my retreat the melancholy march backwards my head held as high as it can go so high that if there's anything in my path I'll trip I've fallen so hard already it shouldn't matter
I'm ready now to gather the troops file out and arm up for the coming war bravely waving my flag "Don't Tread On Me" even though you already have but that's my secret
I watch you longingly, one last time then softly whisper "I'm ready now," angry, avenging, finally one question- are you?
I don't know about this one, i'm tempted to take the "i'm ready now" and completely change the whole thing. what do ya'll think?
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Post by Queen of Rain on Nov 13, 2005 3:48:21 GMT -8
Its beautiful and emotional, but it doesnt stay with me? Its one of the poems where the words just flow together and one tend not to remember it in the detailed way a poem deserves? I'm unsure about the feeling too? If you doubt the readiness, a repetition of "Im ready now I'm ready now" emphasise how you are jsut tryign to convince yourself? but i dunno if i got it right? I think you could rewrite it, because therea remany beautiful lines in there that deserve to stand out..
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Post by Ramona on Nov 14, 2005 8:07:35 GMT -8
The emotions are so pwerful, such passionate imagery.
I love these parts: "my head held as high as it can go so high that if there's anything in my path I'll trip I've fallen so hard already it shouldn't matter"
"bravely waving my flag "Don't Tread On Me" even though you already have but that's my secret"
I like the way they tie things together. I also like the concept of this poem, it's more original than most.
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