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Post by Ramona on Nov 10, 2005 17:46:06 GMT -8
Wrote this in Geometry. I think it needs a lot of editting, but I like the picture perfect concept. ----- I looked at you and you met my glance. I hadn’t meant it to be that way. I wish, instead, I had seen the reflection of A memory superimposed upon your eyes. Then it would have been picture perfect.
A couple, holding hands and gazing at each other. Let me get my Kodak, it’s the perfect kind of moment.
But, for lack of want, the picture Changed: A boy, talking to his best friend on the phone Almost All Night. A girl, laying on her bed, talking to her brother Almost All Night This just can’t be right. We won’t put this part in the photo album.
I wish it had been picture perfect.
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Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 10, 2005 18:52:17 GMT -8
i like this a lot. like a lot alot. i think the flow was kind of disrupted when you dropped the word changed, but i can also see why its there by itself. i'm not sure what i think of the 'almost all night's it's different. but cool. i guess i can see how it helps the emphasis (sp?) i got kinda confused and a little lost betweed the first little stanza and the rest of it., though. might just be me. i get lost easily
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Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 10, 2005 18:54:32 GMT -8
i believe this starts out really strong, but then it just seems like whole parts are missing out of it. you seem like you're starting this story, but then it just kinda skips. i like your diction and the idea, but i think it needs a lot more. it seems choppy and incomplete.
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Post by lelandluver4eva on Nov 10, 2005 19:21:51 GMT -8
i agree with scarlet completely
when i saw this tittle it reminded me of my quote that i believe to be true for everyone ' im a perfect picture im just not picture perfect'
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Post by Queen of Rain on Nov 13, 2005 3:51:58 GMT -8
I love the contrasts between perfection and the reality, There is somehting about this poem I so love. but it also confuses me, maybe its the "lack of want"? that takes away some mysticism but not replacing it with explanation?
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Post by Ramona on Nov 14, 2005 7:56:14 GMT -8
Hmmm, yes, seems all of you agree with me about the editting This is one of those things you write just to break Writers' Block (does anyone else do that? or is it just me?)
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