Post by behindTHEmask on Oct 15, 2005 10:58:47 GMT -8
Is It Too Late For Apologies?
Or am I just looking for an excuse to escape embarassment.
I know I shouldn’t feel at fault.
I know I shouldn’t be punishing myself for a past,
A memory
A moment I’m still trying to define.
I know I shouldn’t still think about him and the way he made me laugh,
the way he looked at me in the darkness,
with that smile I still can’t trace,
and told me I was beautiful.
I know I shouldn’t be punishing him for a time neither of us could control,
an act that happened so long ago,
forever ago,
so far ago, it’s not even reality anymore.
I shouldn’t hold him responsible for breaking me to the point
where I can’t trust a single boy
who gives me a look that doesn’t match and a smile that doesn’t seem pure.
I feel more responsible than I ever should
sending such harsh words through a carrier other than myself,
without a face full of tears to meet his figure
that I couldn’t even begin see
unless I could reach my had out
and touch him with a request for forgiveness.
I want to send an apology everyone would say was weakness
because I’m tired of angering myself when I think of him over something that was all me,
for a time where I just needed someone to love me
to give attention to me
to define me
to the point where I hated him for just that.
I was the one naïve to believe in such promises that never existed
such words that seemed irreplaceable because they were never really there.
All my words just seem so small when I speak them to myself,
deciding what makes sense,
and what actually sounds pathetic.
I know I should apologize for punishing someone for making me happy
because I know such bliss doesn’t last eternity
and I know time just wanted to teach me something I would always remember.
That memories don’t fade,
they don’t break,
and no matter how hard you try,
they’ll always make you smile as they did before
because that point in your life lifted you up so high
and dropped you just like you expected.
Or am I just looking for an excuse to escape embarassment.
I know I shouldn’t feel at fault.
I know I shouldn’t be punishing myself for a past,
A memory
A moment I’m still trying to define.
I know I shouldn’t still think about him and the way he made me laugh,
the way he looked at me in the darkness,
with that smile I still can’t trace,
and told me I was beautiful.
I know I shouldn’t be punishing him for a time neither of us could control,
an act that happened so long ago,
forever ago,
so far ago, it’s not even reality anymore.
I shouldn’t hold him responsible for breaking me to the point
where I can’t trust a single boy
who gives me a look that doesn’t match and a smile that doesn’t seem pure.
I feel more responsible than I ever should
sending such harsh words through a carrier other than myself,
without a face full of tears to meet his figure
that I couldn’t even begin see
unless I could reach my had out
and touch him with a request for forgiveness.
I want to send an apology everyone would say was weakness
because I’m tired of angering myself when I think of him over something that was all me,
for a time where I just needed someone to love me
to give attention to me
to define me
to the point where I hated him for just that.
I was the one naïve to believe in such promises that never existed
such words that seemed irreplaceable because they were never really there.
All my words just seem so small when I speak them to myself,
deciding what makes sense,
and what actually sounds pathetic.
I know I should apologize for punishing someone for making me happy
because I know such bliss doesn’t last eternity
and I know time just wanted to teach me something I would always remember.
That memories don’t fade,
they don’t break,
and no matter how hard you try,
they’ll always make you smile as they did before
because that point in your life lifted you up so high
and dropped you just like you expected.
