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Post by behindTHEmask on Oct 10, 2005 16:51:07 GMT -8
Run, she says. To everywhere.
She’s chasing down everything she’s never heard of worrying about all she doesn’t know fearing what’s not in existence and hoping in the end, it will all be alright.
She’s never known the outcomes, that come from such childish games of hide and seek in youth and luck of the draw for life.
There’s a part of her she knows she can’t control. She lets it run wild, harvesting itself in places she’s never been and never plan’s on going.
She knows the world’s naïve, thinking time is of the essence and true love is forever. Pity, she says, pity.
She’s chasing down everything she’s never heard of to break the set caste societies created always worrying if this is defeat or victory. Always hoping she’ll never know.
Run, she says, run to somewhere purged in agony. Run, she says, run. To everywhere.
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Post by Ramona on Oct 11, 2005 7:46:45 GMT -8
Wow, I love the end, but the rhythm of the line "of hide and seek from what scares her" seems off to me.
Ramona
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Post by behindTHEmask on Oct 11, 2005 14:20:45 GMT -8
I'll work on that line. Thanks.
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Post by cry,crayola. on Oct 12, 2005 18:32:17 GMT -8
i think the flow of the poem throughout the whole thing is a little weird. maybe it's just me. i just feel it needs to connect more. really good, though.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Oct 13, 2005 9:41:01 GMT -8
it feels liek when i read it i think there is another depth in it.. but well.. i cant find it.. maybe because the plot is so clsoe to the theme? i love 2nd and 4th stanza
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Post by behindTHEmask on Oct 13, 2005 14:05:35 GMT -8
The poem is basically about how she's living life in a way she can't tell if it's reality or a dream. It seems to cruel to be a dream, yet to cruel to be real. She's trying to find out who she is as she walks through it. She can't control her own actions because her minds scattered in so many directions and lost back in her youth where everything seemed so simple. She notices the conformity soceity is holding onto and it scares her. She's urging to break the way normal is defined. She wants to run to find herself in the world just the way it is. I'm sure I could put it into more depth detail, but maybe that's the depth you couldn't find? I'm glad you loved the stanzas. Thanks. ♥
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Post by Queen of Rain on Oct 14, 2005 1:23:44 GMT -8
nono it just feels like the theme is too closely realted to the actualy plot? i dont know.. sometimes wehn i read it i love it and sometimes i dont.. haha
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Post by behindTHEmask on Oct 15, 2005 11:37:01 GMT -8
It's okay. I feel the same way. On days I'm like, Good job. On other days, I ask what was I thinking.
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