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doors
Sept 20, 2005 16:10:30 GMT -8
Post by cry,crayola. on Sept 20, 2005 16:10:30 GMT -8
inviting yet excluding at the same time i stand at the doors knocking there's someone there waiting, wanting to let me in, hoping to let me in he stands there, eyes shining he on his side of the doors, me on the other he's watching me, wanting me to be inside where he is he looks, then walks away to someone else's call i want to bang at the doors, his light blue eyes against my own brown but i turn and walk away he's opened the doors to his eyes, a place that holds everything wonderful about him, to another. should i knock at other doors, other eyes to be explored? he wants to answer to me, i know, but can i wait? can i wait for the other to leave his doors and me to enter? i ponder as i reluctantly walk away. i just want the doors to open.
suggestions please!!!!!!!!!
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doors
Sept 20, 2005 16:11:53 GMT -8
Post by cry,crayola. on Sept 20, 2005 16:11:53 GMT -8
real quick, some of the lines got messed up. so if it seems broken in weird places, that's not on purpose. for the most part, at least. hehe!
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doors
Sept 20, 2005 16:15:54 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Sept 20, 2005 16:15:54 GMT -8
Whoa. I like the questions this poses. The should I look for other doors thing. It's cool, a very cool poem. Well written, too. Nice and symbolic yet familiar.
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doors
Sept 20, 2005 21:16:53 GMT -8
Post by ScarletMornings on Sept 20, 2005 21:16:53 GMT -8
very nice beloved, i applaud.
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doors
Sept 21, 2005 11:54:28 GMT -8
Post by Queen of Rain on Sept 21, 2005 11:54:28 GMT -8
I love the way you bind it together towards the end... i really like the line "he's opened the doors to his eyes, a place that holds"
to the critisism i think you could use more imagery and check the rhythm, i wid say its off in line 3 5 and 7..
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