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Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 9, 2005 17:44:53 GMT -8
You told me love was patient you told me love was kind I was never these things until I loved
You told me love isn't jealous you told me love isn't arrogant I was both until I loved
You told me love isn't rude you told me love isn't selfish I was both until I loved
You told me love wasn't quick-tempered you told me love wasn't vindictive I was both until I loved
You told me love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth I was a liar until I loved
You told me love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres I did none until I loved
But most of all you told me love never fails but I never failed until I loved
You turned me into a better person but you forgot the most important part love never fails yours did
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 9, 2005 17:49:09 GMT -8
i've been wanting to do something with the "love is patient, love is kind" verse for a long time, but i don't know how good of a job i did. i'm not sure that the idea is very good. please give me some crit on it or if you have any other ideas of a way i could use the verse, please tell me.
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Post by Confusion on Jul 10, 2005 1:02:33 GMT -8
the 'love is patient, love is kind' bit is very strong indeed!!!!!! However, to be honest, i think you should rethink the poem you put them in. I think this poem is over repetitive, and from reading your other pieces i know you are very very super talented and could make a very much stronger poem with the lines 'love is patient, love is kind.' I like your idea of 'you told me...' but i think you used it waaaay too much in this, makes it seem blabby and not very deep. I love the positiveness of this poem and really do think you could make a great job of it! How about instead of so many 'you told me' bits, going more into the emotions of love, etc....
I hope you do because i think this could be realli realli great!
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Post by ScarletMornings on Jul 10, 2005 19:36:23 GMT -8
thank you, i definetely don't like this form, but i'm just unsure as to how to change it. ugh.
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Post by Confusion on Jul 11, 2005 1:41:39 GMT -8
im sure you'll find a way, you are an excellent poet!!!!!!!!
Just concentrate on the emotions that go with this... maybe write a list of them, the line you want to use in it, and how you want the poem to go.... that could help you get ideas! You could post it like that in works in progress and people could give you there thoughts on it...
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Post by Confusion on Jul 11, 2005 6:35:24 GMT -8
Hey i just had a thought about a possible way for you to improve this poem! At the moment the poem is completely positive. I thought maybe the poem would benefit from having negative thoughts as well... more about before you discovered the love etc
Just a suggestion, maybe you won't like it i dunno... maybe you are in a very positive mood, in which case keep it bubbly!!
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Post by roxiecheerchika on Jul 11, 2005 10:41:06 GMT -8
ummm...i think i have to agree on some things.. it is a little to repetitive...but the thought and emtion behind it is very good. I think this could a wonderful poem if you changed it around a bit...It is a little intense but also it flows pretty well. I think over all its a great poem.
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