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Post by Confusion on Jan 17, 2006 13:39:25 GMT -8
‘I’d die for you, my dear’
She sighs for her fears
^ just come up with these two lines now... they are all i can think of really, but i like these and wana write a poem with these in! I want the poem to be sort of based around loving someone so much you're too scared to let them close to you, incase you mess it up, but too scared to let go of them, becasue you love them so so very much.... duno if that makes sense to anyone, i don't think im making much sense today!
Anyways, any suggestions as how to go about this, please comment cos i'm a bit stuck!
Thanx..
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Post by Robin on Jan 17, 2006 16:10:41 GMT -8
I don't know about this bit. These feel pretty generic. You'd have to have a lot of really original imagery surrounding them to make them cool.
And I don't really think 'dear' and 'fears' rhyme. Just a thought.
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Post by kurai on Jan 17, 2006 17:36:49 GMT -8
As much as the fact that I'm not an exact expert I really have to agree. The rhyming is strained or anything it's just the rhyme itself.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 19, 2006 9:14:36 GMT -8
Yes, I also have to agree with Robin. It just doesn't seem like a good poem could come out of those lines. But with a writer as talented as you, Confusion, perhaps it is possible.
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Post by cry,crayola. on Jan 21, 2006 10:49:47 GMT -8
meh. agreed with prior posts to mine. but, as ramona says, you're pretty rockin. i'm sure you can find something amazing to form out of those.
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Post by darktears on Jan 21, 2006 18:19:27 GMT -8
I have to agree with everyone. I just don't like how these flow or something, maybe it's just me. I think they're kind of choppy, I guess. I'm sure that you can come up with something spectacular to go with them though.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 21, 2006 18:43:23 GMT -8
Yes, "she sighs for her fears" just doesn't seem right. It's rather awkward.
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