tell me what you think please!!!!

[masterairboarder]

"This is something really different that I'm trying (bear with me) - I'm gonna write this alternating between characters - I got the idea from a book I've recently read - tell me what you think please - I want to know whether it is worth continuing"


- -MAIN CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS- -

RINOA: Rinoa was the girl that always received unwanted attention - her piercing brown eyes were her best feature, that and her dark hair that bordered her shoulders - she thrived on being alone, left in her own world to get on by herself

WARREN: Warren wasn't one for socialisation - truth is, people scared him, their diversity of personality - with his blond hair, blue eyes, average height and build, Warren was just like anyone else - only he made things so much harder for himself

- -PART ONE- -

= = RINOA = =

"Late again, Rinoa." She blew her dragon breath down my neck. It was only five minutes, earlier than usual.
"Hmph...” I grunted, not giving a damn 'bout that witch. I took my seat at the back of class.
"If that's your attitude then you can leave. I'm not having you in my class anymore."
"Suits me. I'd rather leave than let you breath down my neck." I grabbed my bag and slammed the double doors behind me.

= = PROF. FERGUSON = =

Why does that girl not try to make an effort? She showed so much promise at the beginning of the semester. But she suddenly went off track and downhill. But there’s nothing I can do, it’s her choice now.

= = WARREN = =

She showed so much … attitude. She didn’t care what Old Fergie said, really gave her what for. Everyone just sat in silence, in awe really. I suppose that was what attracted me to her. But she was never gonna know. She didn’t take any notice of anyone, she was always by herself, and was never seen in a group. I wasn’t going to tell her either, I was always too scared to approach people. And I was as much of a loner as her. Just your ‘Average Joe’ that no one ever noticed or cared about. No one ever spoke to me; I was ignored, isolated, for no reason at all.
“Warren, the answer to the question, please?” That familiar, irritating voice brought me back to reality.
“Sorry Professor, I must have been daydreaming.”<br>“Yes, well pay more attention in future.”<br>
= = RINOA = =

After I made my exit from that hag’s history class, I walked round the front of Woodgate Hall, to my favourite spot at the back of the courtyard. This was my sanctuary; I could be alone and contemplate the world with no distractions. That was how I liked it. Solitary, it should have been my middle name.

[masterairboarder]

"here is some more of this that I've written - so you can give a better opinion of it all - cheers"

: : RINOA : :

After I made my exit from that hag’s history class, I walked round the front of Woodgate Hall, to my favourite spot at the back of the courtyard. This was my sanctuary; I could be alone and contemplate the world with no distractions. That was how I liked it. Solitary, it should have been my middle name. That incident back in history wasn’t my fault. She should have been happy with the fact that I was earlier that usual. But it’s done now. I put it to the back of my mind and continued my sketches that I had started the day before. I sketched everything I saw. Birds, trees, even the sky. It all came naturally to me.

The time passed so quickly. I was so engrossed in my drawing that I didn’t notice I had company. The skinny blond guy in my history class. I figured the history lesson must have been over. He looked a little surprised, as if no one was ever in the courtyard. But I didn’t take any further notice of him. I just got on with my work.

: : WARREN : :

I didn’t expect her to be there. I mean no one was ever there. It was my place, where I could escape from civilisation. I just ignored her. I though if I didn’t look at her, she wouldn’t look at me. I sat on the bench as I usually do and unpacked my guitar. I strummed a little, and then began a favourite of mine. ‘I Don’t Know’ by Lost Prophets. I hummed the words in my head, not wanting to appear as if I was … revealing myself to her. As I played the chorus she looked up, obviously recognising the song. I kept playing and became so swept up in the song that I didn’t notice she had left the courtyard. Did I scare her off? Why did I care? She evidently didn’t want to stay with me. Not that she was ‘with’ me or anything. But it was just a little odd that she left so suddenly.

: : RINOA : :

He played a classic Prophets tune on his guitar. That was all. Didn’t try to make any contact or make any conversation. Just how I liked it. I left in the middle of his song. I wanted to hear the rest of it, he was pretty good, but I had to meet my sister in ‘The Twilight Zone’, a café off campus.

“Hey Rinoa,” greeted my sister, Elissa. She was always early, the opposite of myself. But unusually I was on time that day.
“Hey. How are you doing?”<br>“Same as ever. Business is going great.” Elissa owned an art shop that also had a gallery. She displayed the work of the locals, mainly students.
“What about you and Kyle? Are you two still okay?”<br>“Yeah, we’re as ‘together’ as ever. Did I tell you he proposed last week?” I shook my head. I was generally the last in our family to be informed of a birth or engagement. Elissa was the only one who kept any kind of contact with me once I went to college and moved out of town. Coincidently, I moved into the same town as Elissa. She told me all the details of her engagement to Kyle. How it was so perfect and romantic. Unlike my life.
“But enough about me. How is college going? Are you doing okay in history?” I cast my mind back to the incident earlier that day.
“Yeah it’s great,” I lied, “I’m doing well. Grades are fine. I’m coping pretty well.” I never told her the truth, if I did she worried and got mom involved. Not that mom cared anyway.
“Well, the burning question I’ve been dying to ask you. Have you got yourself a guy yet?” I hated her for that. She asked me every time we met up. And every time I gave her the same answer.
“Not yet. I’m just seeing who’s available. I don’t want to commit myself too soon.” I couldn’t bear lying to her, but I couldn’t tell her truth either. I could never bring myself to tell her how alone I felt. How hard it was for me to try to talk to people. Truth is I was afraid.
“Hmm… You always say that to me. Are you hiding something from me?” Just what I didn’t want. She was going to poke her nose in.
“Honestly. I’m not hiding anything. You’re my sister, I can’t.” Her pager beeped and she had to leave.
“I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. They need me at work. If you ever want to talk, give me a call. I’ll see you later okay.” I watched leave the café, wishing my life was as easy as hers.


: : ELISSA : :

I was really worried about her. She was nineteen and I’d never seen her with a guy. I knew it was hard for her, but I just couldn’t help thinking she wasn’t making an effort. Like she wanted to be isolated. But I trusted her, and if she said she was doing okay, then she was doing okay.

: : WAITER IN THE CAFE : :

The older of those two girls… She was mighty fine. But I heard them talking about a proposal. Too bad. I wouldn’t have minded a piece of her.

: : RINOA : :

That meeting with my sister really made me think. Maybe Elissa was right. Maybe I should try to make an effort. But I had separated myself for so long. It was so hard for me to try and speak to people in general, let alone guys. But I had to get back to my flat. I put it to the back of mind and left the café. The soft patter of raindrops began to hit my head. I crossed the street and walked down the stairs of the underground station. I didn’t want to risk getting wet on the walk home.

The freezing air from my flat hit me as I unlocked the door. As per usual, I had forgotten to reset my heating. Strangely, there was a message on my answering machine. It was from my mom, she called when I was with Elissa.
“Hey Rinoa. Just thought I would call to check up on how you’re doing. We haven’t seen each other for a while and your father and I were wondering if you wanted to go out for a meal sometime, to catch up with each other. Phone me back. Love you, bye.”<br>She wanted something. I could tell by her voice in the message. I decided not to call her back. If she wanted to see me so badly, she could ring me again. Whilst listening to my mom’s message, I noticed that my flat was a mess, mainly clothes that needed to be washed. So I set to it. I had nothing better to do anyway.

[louise]

the idea is great. I've thought of something myself. But maybe you shuold try to change the style of writing with every person. Not just the words, but the style. It will make the story more different and if you do it well, you don't even have to put the names infront of every piece. It is nice, though, I like it...

[dragon6xx]

Very nice! i like how you switch very often. I agree with Loise, you should try switching the writing style, but great job, i'll be looking for more.

[cry,crayola.]

i agree with louise also. i like what you have going on. i like seeing the different point of views from different people. it just makes the story that more interesting. i'll be looking for more!