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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 29, 2005 16:03:29 GMT -8
Before the women at the desk could answer, Matt heard Carolyn and John arguing. He shook his head to the women, signaling to forget his question, and begin to walk in their direction. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to follow. Maybe he shouldn't of even stayed in the first place. His optics stared at John, shifting as they began to focus. Matt found himself standing beside John, his hands resting in the pockets of his jeans. He didn't say anything. Silence was golden at a time like this, but he couldn't see the two of them just throw out a friendship. One of them would regret it. Someone would always wonder the what if's. Someone wouldn't die happy. "Go after her." It was a casual remark, but Matt meant it. "You can't just let her walk away."
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 28, 2005 14:26:43 GMT -8
Matt pulled out a cigarette, placing it between his lips. He lit the butt as his eyes watched them go in. His stomach flopped as the door opened. Disease floated out. Death floated in. The puff of smoke from his first drag settled into his clothes as he pulled out his cell phone. He needed to tell Cameron's parents he'd be coming. He wanted to ask the for their advice. He needed to see pictures. Dialing, he walked around the outside of the emergency room. Patients sat outside smoking, just as he did. He hoped he didn't look as pathetic as their tortured souls. Dark circles lined their eyes, and wrinkles creased their faces. Maybe they'd just been through a lot. The dial tone left him to the answering machine. Apparently, they weren't home. "I've thought a lot about the things Cameron's said. And over the past two years, I've been trying to figure things out. I need some answers, some reality...I was going to stop by sooner, but I ran into some trouble with things at home. Things got tough, but now I'm on the road, and I'm thinking about driving up. I've got a few things to take care of--helping some new friends. They knew Cameron--Carolyn and John." Matt paused, throwing down the cigarette, stomping it out with the sole of his shoe. "I guess I'll see you when I can. I'll have my cell on if you want to maybe call back. Peace and Love." Hanging up the phone, he slipped it back into his pocket walking through the doors of the ER. He glanced around for Carolyn and John, but they'd already went to see Craig. He walked to the information desk. "Can you tell me what room Craig--" He noticed he never got his last name. "is in? He got ambo-ed in from an accident on the interstate."
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 27, 2005 15:22:35 GMT -8
"Don't worry about it, John. It wasn't a problem." Shaking hands, he looked back at Carolyn. Matt could see fear in her. Taking his keys out of the ignition, he listened to what Carolyn was asking. Do you think you could stay for... a bit? Just until we know what's going on? Matt nodded. "Sure, I just have to make a quick phonecall." He shrugged softly. "I'll meet the both of you inside, alright?" He slid out of the front seat, shutting the door of the SUV. Letting his hands fall into his pockets, he gripped the lighter. He'd grabbed the carton of cig's just as he slid out.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 27, 2005 13:54:23 GMT -8
At the moment, Matt knew where he was headed. He knew where he'd end up. Cameron's. His parents. He needed some incite. (Do Cameron's parents live in Port Royal, or where?) Nodding, he pulled into the driveway of the hospital. He thought about parking, but they didn't need him anymore. He'd just pull into the ER. Stretch his legs, smoke one of those emergancy cigarettes he used to calm his nerves and make a phone call. "I'll drop you guys off by the door." Pulling into the ER driveway, he sighed, stopping the car. Setting it in park, he let the ignition die. "You two gonna be okay?"
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 26, 2005 19:44:41 GMT -8
Matt looked at her for a moment, speechless. "I wasn't comparing lives. The point was perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and I do believe everything has its reasons for happening." Looking at John, he pulled out some tissues. "You both probably think it sounds stupid, and I'm not saying I don't miss Cameron or Jake, but both of them made me realize what I'm supposed to do. It sounds stupid, but ever since Jake's death, I play at a local teen hang out place. It's called The It. I play on Friday nights to try and keep teenagers off the street--so they don't end up dead for whatever reason. It's non profit, but someone--Cameron--once told me 'You can't save the world, until you save yourself'. So that's why I'm out on this roadtrip." Matt gripped the steering wheel tighter. "I'm trying to be saved."
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 26, 2005 15:53:40 GMT -8
Matt didn't care about the apology right now. He was being bitched at for his choices. "You know what, John, everything feels like a shit load of nothing when you lose everything that's important. When nothing's there, and you find something that treats you like family, and because of that your best friend dies...Everything seems like a shitload of nothing." Matt blinked, staring at the road, stopping at a red light. "I was was thirteen, remember that. Thirteen. I was going through puberty--I was a wreck. I was always 'different'. I needed a family. So what did this kid who have 'everything' do? I joined a gang. They treated me like I was their brother. They protected me from older kids. It's where I met Jake." Matt didn't normally talk about this. This was beyond perfection. "Jake was like a brother. Besides from Cameron, no one really took their time with me. I mean, I had girls around me, but only because I had the money to entertain them." Matt swallowed, glancing at Carolyn then John. "Jake died two years after I met him, and I swear to God it was all my fault. We were out getting drinks, alcohol I think, and we ran into another gang. They seperated us. I could hear Jake screaming telling me to run, but I couldn't leave him. I was pushed down into the dirt, and I heard a loud gunshot. Then everything when silent." Biting his bottom lip, he sighed. "I've lost two of the only people in my life worth living for. My parent's are never home, so they give me everything figuring it wouldn't matter. Well, let me tell you, money doesn't buy love. So this chance at everything you keep telling me I blew, never really existed. It's all lies. So you want the guarenteed future? Take it. They wouldn't notice if you lived there and I was dead."
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 23, 2005 9:18:37 GMT -8
Matt looked at him. "I had the life everyone wanted from the outside--great rich parents, all the systems, two of my own cars I didn't pay a penny on. I needed to get out. It was just luck. And for being related to Cameron and getting the drumsticks..." He shrugged. Now he was just pulling shit out of his ass. Now he was just bullshitting himself. "I don't know. Maybe somethings in life are just supposed to happen." Blinking again, he licked his upper lip. Habit. "Everything's got its reasons." Right? Yes. Everything has its reasons for happening.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 22, 2005 18:48:21 GMT -8
Matt shook his head. "Cousins, or maye more. I don't remember anymore. Time flew by. I've been trying to forget." He couldn't forget, but he tried. His parents couldn't understand why. Cameron was a great kid. But that's why he has to let it go. Matt lost Cameron. Matt lost Jake. He lost everyone he was ever close to. Everyone he ever told a secret to, took it to their grave, but not by choice. Jake and Cameron both lost their lives long before they were supposed to. Matt would trade his right now just to save them. If only he could save them.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 21, 2005 16:35:17 GMT -8
"We weren't brothers or anything." He blinked, remembering what they were. "Almost, but not quite. Cousins, yet a bit more." He shrugged, turning the wheel. "I looked up to the kid. Not so much as him being younger/older. Just him as a person, you know?" He sighed a bit, licking his upper lip. Do you think they saw the same Cameron? Of course. Everyone saw the same Cameron. Right? "I own the necklace now." Taking one hand off the wheel, he reached into his shirt, laying it out onto his chest.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 20, 2005 19:11:33 GMT -8
His eyes shifted, then he blinked. Silent tears. He mouthed the name Adams again. This time, even in silence, he choked on the name. He owned the necklace, now. (If that's okay by you of course.) Kept it around his neck, hidded beneath his shirt. Matt himself couldn't keep a beat on the drums, but Cameron, he was amazing. He just stuck to guitar. His little guitar. He didn't say anything as the spoke about Cameron. It sounded as though the two were quite fond of the boy. Everyone was. Death struck hard. Two deaths in just a few years. Happens to everyone, doesn't it? "Yeah." The words came out in bits. "I know him."
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 19, 2005 14:15:37 GMT -8
((This will be interesting. I think...))
He mouthed the words "Cameron Adams" into the open air. The sound didn't follow, but he wasn't doig it for them. It rolled off his tongue perfectly, like he said it before. Like he spoke it frequently. Like he yelled it. Cried it. Slept it. He looked into the rearview mirror at his reflection, at his eyes, then back at the road. Cameron Adams. His fingers tapped along the steering wheel. Thump. Cameron. Thump. Adams. He knew him. He was related, but he was trying to forget. Forget the past. Focus on the present. Maybe this was someone else. "Tell me a bit about him." We'll see.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 19, 2005 13:44:26 GMT -8
Their speaking to you. He raised his eyebrows, hearing John's voice. "Last name?" (I don't know if you want me to know him or not.) A lot of people were named Cameron. Well, not a lot, but enough to need a last name. His shoulders relaxed a little, hearing someone talk. Silence was uncomfortable. He prefered the loud streets, where you could hear anything coming. Silence was amiss. Everyone was a quiet-aphobic. It was heaven in a bottle, or at least in a small city alley. Whichever you prefer.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 18, 2005 16:07:51 GMT -8
My eyes burn from these tears, You'd think I'd learn over the years, Good things won't last forever, So what the hell am I supposed to do? Big boys don't cry. He inhaled deeply, sucking away the tears. This isn't the time. Maybe the road trip was to clear your head, but there are more important things here. He looked in the rearview mirror at Carolyn. He could tell she was looking at him--or at least was before now, so he looked back at the road. The silence was killing him. He swallowed hard, flicking on the stereo. The sound was as light as a baby's first lullaby. Excuse me while I fall apart, Don't flatter yourself sweetheart. Let me take the wheel, And I'll crash this car. Do you have to make this so hard? Maybe the radio wasn't the best idea. He turned it off. "Sorry." His words were choked. His crying hadn't mentally subsided. He bit his bottom lip again, blinking. Silence in black and white. He knew what it was like to be mute.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 18, 2005 15:28:12 GMT -8
"I don't think this is a good idea. Come on, let's just head home." "Ah, Matt, you worry to much." Jake smiled brightly, shoving his hands into his pocket with a shrug. "Enjoy the nightlife. You can't enjoy something that takes away your best friend. "Fuck! Run, Matt. Just fucking run!" They had him in a headlock. Blood ran down in his face, and it looked like he was crying. "Just get out of hear." His voice was scratched and muffled. He must of gotten thrown to the ground, or pushed into the stomach of the offender. I coudn't tell. Whichever, I wasn't going to leave. I couldn't. Not when they had me--face down in the dirt, screaming into my ear. "Now how does it feel on our turf?" They had me stuck. There was a gunshot, then bitter silence. They realeased their grip and just ran away. This made the headlines. The gang shooting was all over the news, and they still didn't find them. Jake's murderers still run free. Matt blinked again, pushing out another droplet of water. Fear became an accustomed feeling after watching his best friend die. Pain was what he held onto every night. But it wasn't like everyone knew. He was the rich kid. Never got into trouble. Always made the right choices. Stereotypes are hell. Just a bunch of fabrications weaved into teenage reality. Nothing was what it seemed. He still stared at the pavement, but out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the scenary staying the same. Not everything can last forever. The sky was fading colors again. The clouds were flying in. Just another interval of life unfolding before his eyes.
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Post by behindTHEmask on Jan 17, 2005 18:02:25 GMT -8
Matt listened to them bickering, but didn't say a word. He knew what it was like. He knew the pain felt when you lost someone you cared about before your eyes. It wasn't something magical, and it never went away, but he didn't tell them. Take this broken heart and make it right, I feel like I've lost everything When your gone, Left remembering what its like... A small tear fell off his cheek. Don't even start with yourself, he screeched inside his head. They have their own sad songs. Don't start chirping your own. Licking his bottom lip, he blinked. It was becoming instinct for him.
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