Flower amongst weeds

[Queen of Rain]

At a glance
						(the glance)
he has just an average
live-to-ski apperance
Hair grown too long
and clothes one size too large
the common faces of fearless passion

His face holds no particular beuty
(I don't even know
the colour of his eyes)

	But I know how he holds me near
	yet doesn't try to kiss me
There my eyes open
and I see fireworks in his eyes

Dancing so close
our bodies they ache

I see no average live-for-skiing eyes
There is joy and grief and passion
and guilt and dreams and charm

There is
so much
		more
There's hills of snow, oceans of water, gardens of flowers
I see live-for living eyes

and we dance 
so very close

[Robin]

This reminds me of a story we had to read for some national/state testing or something. It was called Sunny Days and Sunny Nights, and it was about this girl who fell in love with this man who loved the ocean and surfing and everything to do with water. She called him her "warm fish."

The reason this reminds me of it is because the narrator knew that Sunny wasn't anything special; he didn't satisfy her father (although her mother adored him), and he was basically just an average guy. But she loved him, just like this character loves her man. It's like they're opposites of each other; a warm fish versus a not-so-abominable snowman.

"the common faces of fearless passion"

This line was my favorite.

"Dancing so close
our bodies they ache"

I like the wording. "Our bodies they ache." I would have put a comma after bodies, but that's just me. And with the rhythm here, not having a comma gives a sense of urgency that close dancing and love and desire deserve.

"(I don't even know
the colour of his eyes)"
I can't decide if I like or don't like the parenthesis. I don't quite think they should be there, but if they were gone the statement wouldn't fit at all. So I'm indecisive here, but if you're ever hardcore editing this thing, that's something you may want to consider.

"I see live-for living eyes"

I nice way to begin wrapping up the poem, especially with the eye imagery before.

[Queen of Rain]

Wow for once i got it right then cos the emotion you got from it was kinda what I wanted to describe!! Cos my mum wopuld kinda disapprove of this guy but my dad would like him - yet its still forbidden because I have still not broken up with my long distance boyfriend..
and this guy is really different from any person ive earlier been interested in.

Im indecisive about jsut that parenthesis too.. i like the idea there (which is true cos i dontknow the colour of his eyes literally adn its symbolising how i dont know him very well) but i couldnt formulate it right..

thanks so much for commenting