Movement within our cellophane wrappings

[Queen of Rain]

(Inspired by Metallica - Nothing else matters)

nothing else matters
but he's so real so close so gentle
i watch the world solemn-souled in our absense
what good do we do eachother now?

my boyfriend is in warzaw
but it doesn't make a difference
- trust and compassion
(and all those long nights apart)

And I may wish I could
but I can't
No, I won't and thats the only truth
and nothing else matters

[cry,crayola.]

the second line bugs me lots. the rhythm feels soo wrong to me there. and also, the second stanza throws me off, too. it doesn't seem to fit into this image you've created. maybe it's just mee......

[Queen of Rain]

thanks for this critisism.. love when ppl cant find anything good in a poem - really motivates you to continue working eh? or...

but i really need to work on the linking.. its jsut two poems seized together at the moment..

[cry,crayola.]

oh dear.

no, i didn't mean to say i didn't like anything about it. actually, i really like the emoition this brings off. there's meaning in this and it shows. i really like the idea of the last stanza as well.

i really didn't mean to seem harsh, and if i came off that way, i do apologize.