vermillion corset feather firebrand

Pseudomuse
Senior Writer

We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

Posts: 489

vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 22, 2006 12:30:05 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 22, 2006 12:30:05 GMT -8

Inspired by a few songs by The Plain White T's, The Beatles, the release of the movie V for Vendetta (which I have yet to see, drats my french boonie-ness), and Guy Fawkes.

vermillion corset feather firebrand

this is the end of a renaissance morning
we don’t live happily, and the end is
drawing down the moon. (shining honey,
dripping spiral webs of spindle wax.)

don’t worry about me. happiness is
a warm gun, mother superior cradling
my own little poetic tragedy in mama’s
hands at the cusp of it all. at the end of it all:
this november prussian curdling hue.

don’t feel bad for me. you’re all
gunpowder treason and plot. and
at this end of a renaissance morning

(alight!
I’ve caught fire
in your eyes.)

You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion"

I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way.

If you want to call me that, smile.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Robin
Almost Senior Writer

Data gathering, data gathering!

Posts: 349

vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 22, 2006 16:29:02 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Robin on Mar 22, 2006 16:29:02 GMT -8

The one thing I didn't like about this piece was the line breaks. I'm thinking you did the awkward breaks on purpose, but I don't really like it. It doesn't flow as well, and the way this thing is worded, if it flowed well, it would be a very eloquent, magical piece. It's still very much a magical poem, but the line breaks interrupt the magic and remind me that I'm reading a poem. If they were more natural, I'd think I was watching a play or a dance.

"don’t feel bad for me. you’re all
gunpowder treason and plot. and
at this end of a renaissance morning"

This is very Pearl Buck. I don't know why exactly it's Pearl Buck, but to me, it sounded very much her style.

And the last part of the poem is TNT.

I've got a grip on myself and it feels nice

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 23, 2006 7:34:19 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 23, 2006 7:34:19 GMT -8 Actually I didn't do jack on the line breaks, sort of just left it, and such. I'll have to work on those. PM
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 23, 2006 10:35:49 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Mar 23, 2006 10:35:49 GMT -8 I agree with Robin, but I suppose this issue has been resolved already. So never mind. This is actually just a pointless post.
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

Robin Almost Senior Writer Data gathering, data gathering! Posts: 349	vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 23, 2006 20:05:34 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Robin on Mar 23, 2006 20:05:34 GMT -8 Oh, haha. I figured that maybe you did it to make some sort of statement. People do that alot. But I was wrong and the problem's gonna be fixed now, so it's all cool.
	I've got a grip on myself and it feels nice

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 24, 2006 16:04:07 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 24, 2006 16:04:07 GMT -8 line breaks were it.
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 25, 2006 19:58:51 GMT -8

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Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 25, 2006 19:58:51 GMT -8

I really like the wording and the flow of this.. diction is amazing
however feels like theme somehow get lsot in all the words? dunno.. i expected more beautiful pain as the first stanza and the title, but then the theme felt like it was lost in the imagery? dunno.. jsut this feelign ive got

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

Queen of Rain Senior Writer I'm Swedish, that should explain it all.. Posts: 614	vermillion corset feather firebrand Mar 26, 2006 23:47:13 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 26, 2006 23:47:13 GMT -8 Man.. I jsut watched V for Vendetta... a movie you sooooo need to watch! omg!
	A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

vermillion corset feather firebrand

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 22, 2006 12:30:05 GMT -8

Post by Robin on Mar 22, 2006 16:29:02 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 23, 2006 7:34:19 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Mar 23, 2006 10:35:49 GMT -8

Post by Robin on Mar 23, 2006 20:05:34 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 24, 2006 16:04:07 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 25, 2006 19:58:51 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 26, 2006 23:47:13 GMT -8