sinking daffodils (they call me ophelia.)

[Pseudomuse]

Just a little something. PM.

sinking daffodils (they call me ophelia.)

[/i]

dark little dust dances; whirling, twirling,
arms wide open (lips sewn shut.)
faerie little light glances; peak a boo and hide
and seek

pitter-patter pitter-pat, ratta-tat-tat
goestherain

goes the rain.

safe within ermine and stoll; dance
little duckling dance


splat splat splat, swollen on the tongue moist
remembrances; chiming shining little
chimera caress, sweet little paw possesses
the wind in the willows and take me home

take me home.

sinking daffodils, and there
goes the rain.



(fly on little wing.)[/pre][/size][/font]

[Robin]

Oooh, it's like Little LuLu for grown-ups.

It was almost cute, and that was kind of nostalgic and yet creepy at the same time, because the style it's written in is not childish or cute at all, and it's sort of like the little girl vampire from Interview with a Vampire (forgive me for not knowing her name...read that book a long time ago and hated it and tried to repress the memories), she was really pretty and cute and Lestat and Louis treated her like a child, but she wasn't a child at all, she was a shit-sucking vampire.

The only thing I didn't like was the 'ratta-tat-tat' part. It reminded me of 'tat-tatta-tat-tatta-tat: who's there? Hunger! Oooh, hunger!' Uhhh yeah, that's Cabaret. Not that I don't like Cabaret, but I think that it disrupts the baby vampire feel of the rest of the poem and just sort of jolts the reader. Jolting the reader is fine, but you painted a stunning ballet here (I may go so far as to call it a RUSSIAN ballet), and I don't think many people will appreciate being waken up out of it.

[cry,crayola.]

all that i saw were some awkward line breaks. like, three. everything else = magnifico! i really liked the idea here and how presented it. bravo.

[Queen of Rain]

Completely love this piece... Reading Di prima at the moment at this piece kinda reminds me of her style.. jsut that its a looot prettier haha!
rhythm was amazing in all parts but "remembrances" i feel its just a too long word that jsut stops the flow there in that line and thus the following as well.. but you round of that stanza amazingly