I'd Hate

[darktears]

I'm awake yet dreaming of tomorrow
A day that will never come.
Today will drag on and on,
Until I see you again.

Your kind words and soft lullabies
Lulled me to sleep as an infant.
And now that your gone
I don't hear any singing.

Now that you've left
You can't help me with school
And the battle of emoticions
I go through.
I feel weak.
And small.

You told me
We'd be closer then ever.
At that age I thought it would be true.
But this seemed to have pullen us apart.

I try not to blame myself
Though it's very hard.
I plead and beg to my mind.
To shut out all those vicious thoughts.

No more tears, please
I cry.
Please, just no more.
But when I think of what has happened
I begin to sob.

So every second weekend,
we'll be together.
Closer then ever?
I laugh at your thought
If this is closer then ever
I'd hate to be apart.

[ScarletMornings]

hmmm, i like some parts of this, especially
Closer then ever?
I laugh at your thought
If this is closer then ever
I'd hate to be apart.
however, all in all, i think that you could maybe spice up your language and your diction. a couple parts seem a little cliche. try working on your wording, i think this has very great potential. nice job.
and a note, i don't think pullen is a real word? lol

[Robin]

Basically I feel the same way as Scarlet-Mornings.

Is this an older poem? It feels a few notches down from what you usually write.

[darktears]

No it isn't an older poem. But I'm not sure, I'm just not great at writing poetry sometimes. I have some good pieces that I love..and others I don't.

Yeah..I was thinking about pullen when I wrote it...it sounded like a word..but it also didn't so I just decided to add it. Don't know why, lol.

Thank you alot for replying.

[cry,crayola.]

yeah, all i have to say is that i agree. it's a little too cliche in some parts.