till human voices wake us

Pseudomuse
Senior Writer

We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

Posts: 489

till human voices wake us Mar 16, 2006 4:50:22 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 16, 2006 4:50:22 GMT -8

till human voices wake us

(sic transit gloria and we drown)

the city is full of open swords
and bloody virgin weepingtears,
out, out, foul spot! out, out I say.
priests are drawing circles, thumbs
in black: heathen circles in demon
hues. silver screening catches the
boxed devils in their moment of
triumph. petty augrimed and
chaptered triumph; nightmares -
spectral chimeras of red-væringi sea.

the city is full of these marred-alms
but when grey skies turn
back to blue: she’ll come back,
she’ll come back for you.

---------------------------------------

I really have no idea about this poem. Help....

You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion"

I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way.

If you want to call me that, smile.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

till human voices wake us Mar 16, 2006 10:22:32 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 16, 2006 10:22:32 GMT -8

what strikes me about this poem is the amazing rhythm, Every line flows perfect except for "n black: heathen circles in demon hues." which is pretty much.. off
- in the end of that midle staza it does in a way get too much fancy diction and imagery that doesn't feel necessary.

I think "she" should be mentioned in the beginning.. just very discretely to make it all more.. logic

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

Robin
Almost Senior Writer

Data gathering, data gathering!

Posts: 349

till human voices wake us Mar 17, 2006 7:03:45 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Robin on Mar 17, 2006 7:03:45 GMT -8

I agree with Cecilia that it gets too flowery near the end of the middle stanza, like a "literate" roleplayer on crack. Not that flowery is a bad thing, but it felt like you just forgot yourself and started writing as fast as you could.

I like this overall, though. It reminded me of Marion Zimmer Bradley a lot.

I've got a grip on myself and it feels nice

Ramona Administration Posts: 1,323	till human voices wake us Mar 17, 2006 8:54:17 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Ramona on Mar 17, 2006 8:54:17 GMT -8 but when grey skies turn back to blue: For me this is the only awkward part, and I absolutely LOVE the ending. It's frickin' brilliant.
	"Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come, Until my day, my day is done. And say you'll come and set me free. Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	till human voices wake us Mar 17, 2006 14:37:20 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 17, 2006 14:37:20 GMT -8 i love this. very strange but very very good.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	till human voices wake us Mar 18, 2006 22:42:57 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 18, 2006 22:42:57 GMT -8 thanks guys, its going under a rewrite.
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

shadowsglory Guest	till human voices wake us Mar 19, 2006 18:00:05 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by shadowsglory on Mar 19, 2006 18:00:05 GMT -8 i love the poem and in a way i can translate like a song in my head....i love the ending!

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	till human voices wake us Mar 21, 2006 18:44:25 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 21, 2006 18:44:25 GMT -8 ditto with things above. that line break does kinda bug me though....... brilliance. ( i think i really like that word and use it a lot. sigh)
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	till human voices wake us Mar 30, 2006 20:14:04 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 30, 2006 20:14:04 GMT -8 like nifty? and btw, this poem IS nifty. lol. don't worry, cindy, i love the word brilliant too. it's just sooo...brilliant! lol
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	till human voices wake us Apr 3, 2006 18:58:54 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Apr 3, 2006 18:58:54 GMT -8 yesssssss!!!!!!
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 16, 2006 4:50:22 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 16, 2006 10:22:32 GMT -8

Post by Robin on Mar 17, 2006 7:03:45 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Mar 17, 2006 8:54:17 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 17, 2006 14:37:20 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 18, 2006 22:42:57 GMT -8

Post by shadowsglory on Mar 19, 2006 18:00:05 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 21, 2006 18:44:25 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 30, 2006 20:14:04 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Apr 3, 2006 18:58:54 GMT -8