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Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	For us Nov 17, 2005 9:05:38 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on Nov 17, 2005 9:05:38 GMT -8 Absorb me: this miniature blood clot its unique, tuneless truth our pain our joy our love to gain: a thousand kisses a thousand words a thousand tales although it hurts my love my dear whispers sweet nothings: 'I wish I could run away'
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Confusion Senior Writer Posts: 518	For us Nov 17, 2005 9:06:45 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Confusion on Nov 17, 2005 9:06:45 GMT -8 i know, i know, this is utter crap... but i have suffered v bad writers block recently and think im sorta starting from the beginning at poetry writing.. all comments very much appreciated!
	"One day I'll be a rainbow belly just like you," she whispered in his ear, "I'll cover painful scars with the brightest tattoos. I want to be a rainbow belly just like you."

Ramona
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Posts: 1,323

For us Nov 17, 2005 9:24:22 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Ramona on Nov 17, 2005 9:24:22 GMT -8

CONFUSION! We were all wondering where you'd gone! So glad you're back. And now, the poem:

I love the ending so much, it's so unique to think of it as a sweet noting. I'm not sure how the bood clot thing fits in, but I like that you used it in your poem. Just want to say that I don't think it's crap at all, I think it's a good poem. The way ti flows so nicely from the beginning to the end is just amazing.

"Hold my head inside your hands.
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears.
For you I've waited all these years.

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come and set me free.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me."

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	For us Nov 17, 2005 16:52:19 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 17, 2005 16:52:19 GMT -8 i agree absolutely with ramona. this is a very nice poem for having wb for sooo long! maybe if you expanded on a little bit, i think it would be AMAZING! yay that you are back!!
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

cry,crayola. Senior Writer yeah, i'm lame. Posts: 569	For us Nov 25, 2005 15:23:48 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 15:23:48 GMT -8 i like 'whispers sweet nothings' really really nice. i missed your writing. so glad your back so i can read things like this. i like it.
	hopless stray prone to wander. crycrayola!, warrior; lest the blind lead the blind.

Post by Confusion on Nov 17, 2005 9:05:38 GMT -8

Post by Confusion on Nov 17, 2005 9:06:45 GMT -8

Post by Ramona on Nov 17, 2005 9:24:22 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Nov 17, 2005 16:52:19 GMT -8

Post by cry,crayola. on Nov 25, 2005 15:23:48 GMT -8