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Post by Pseudomuse on Jul 29, 2005 21:44:41 GMT -8
bouts pour le petit mort
the best kept secrets are unkempt, unkept, and unwept:
lullabies lukewarm deep in denim jeans – the best laid plans of mice and men
are hidden in the bottom draw with the pictures of old girlfriends – the x files –
admist the dogeyed-eared concertmovietickets dyed-ona-septembersizzlingember
if i tied you up would you scream for me? all hallowlikesaviorliketruelove splitting your
lips open - red and dripdripdripping
if i held you open your wingspan stretched far passed it poppingpoint
and reeled your fingers back in, a pressurepoint for the pressurechief
would you call me all those littlelies and dance this pathetic petitnoir-petitmort?
the blindfoldblindgag over your senses muffle the sound you make when i ask you
simply to look inside your self and not at yourself – all you seem to understand is that these
confusing verbal linguistics aren’t questions but hurdles and i’m a smoking gun. – or so
you tell me.
if i rambled on just long enough to put us on the edge of a knife, would you take my
picture, a polaroid, and slip it into your dreams?
would you call for me? even crawl for me in this petit mort - a poor man’s tango – our
limbs and hearts sprawled out on rubyred silkenspreads pinpricking each other in hopes
of getting out.
the snake always quarrels with his s(kin: afraid of it’s own fangs, it’s own worth – you
are that to me. stuck between pictures and secrets and morbid little petit mort noires of
the soul.
[/size]
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Post by Confusion on Jul 30, 2005 0:38:51 GMT -8
cool!.... i find your writing style confusing... but i think it's ment to be like that, and i think it works!! nice job.... although im not sure im too keen on the bits where you dont put a space between your words.. i still really like this!
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Post by Queen of Rain on Jul 30, 2005 23:17:12 GMT -8
wow u can really write girl!!! the perfection in your poem is amaaazing, however i think here you could make the jump from the first stanza to the second a little bit smoother, i like that they are bound together with analyssi but right now here is a little too big gap between them, maybe just one word would do... but i love tha image os the x - files, everyone really ahs those adn it is so symbolic..
btw, i adore the expåression petit mort, its sooo morbid, but its just the french i suppose... its excellent in your poem..
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Post by Pseudomuse on Aug 1, 2005 15:16:52 GMT -8
yeah I wasn't too happy with the way the first stanza flowed. it's revised somewhat now.
cheers PM
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Post by Confusion on Aug 4, 2005 8:03:15 GMT -8
it's perfect now.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Aug 4, 2005 17:55:32 GMT -8
i don't want to sound stupid, but what does the french mean? and interesting poem, btw.
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Post by Pseudomuse on Aug 4, 2005 23:38:10 GMT -8
petitnoir-petitmort: littleblack-littledeath petit mort - little death petit mort noires - little black death little as in small or petite  and no it's not a stupid question hon, I've had 5 years of french and I just forget sometimes. thanks all. PM |
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Post by Confusion on Aug 5, 2005 1:05:16 GMT -8
it's a very morbid expression, but very beautiful too.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Aug 5, 2005 17:35:13 GMT -8
i knew that petit was small and mort was death, just a little unsure about the rest. thank you!
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Post by Queen of Rain on Aug 7, 2005 12:11:35 GMT -8
em honey.. Petit Mort is a french expression for orgasm... thats one of the things i adore in this poem..  |
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Post by Pseudomuse on Aug 7, 2005 12:23:22 GMT -8
yeah, that too...totally forgot about that meaning...well I guess when my subconcious while I was writing it was like hmmm...this is good...
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Post by Queen of Rain on Aug 7, 2005 13:21:31 GMT -8
its excellent
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