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Post by Pseudomuse on May 20, 2005 0:28:11 GMT -8
“…On my hot tin roof”
There’s a cat on my hot tin roof Chershirelike Ginger marked with slashes of white And blue eyed Such blue as the deep endless sky And he just sits there Sits there and preens Even in the midday sun When the metal is red hot And caustic to the touch He just sits there Sits there and preens
There’s a boy on my hot tin roof A red lipped loverboy Cherry scented poetboy With nail marks and teeth indentations Covering sweat sliver skin That gleams against the polished shimmer Of sterling He just sits there, steam radiating from pours And smiles Even in the midday sun When the heat pounds down relentlessly He just smiles
There’s a dream on my hot tin roof Cracked open by a layman’s jackhammer It’s raw and murderously halved in two It screams silently for someone to mold the Shattered pieces back together Little pieces of detritus Confiscated in liberty and the pursuit of happiness Not knowing that the only way to pursue happiness Was to give into it
There’s a time when on my hot tin roof I laid all my plans bare Sizzling, salvaging what I can I trek back into myself Speeding red through the roadmap of my life Trying to find the beginning in effort To prove worthy of the destination I’m barreling towards
There’s a cat on my hot tin roof Ginger slashes with marks of white And blue eyed Such blue as the deep endless sky And he blinks and twitches His long ivory whiskers Once Twice And then He’s Gone
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Post by Queen of Rain on May 20, 2005 10:53:15 GMT -8
amazing rhythm.. and amaxoing symbol and imagery pattern! onyl that i think maybe you shouldnt start with the cat? it seems sort of uninteresting as one doesnt get the context, and one will not see the pattern if one start out with a stanza which is slightly empty maybe?
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Post by Ramona on May 20, 2005 16:31:28 GMT -8
WHoa, this poem was awsome. It had fantastic imagery and really nice rhythm. The only place I think could go a little smoother was where you said "...for someone to mold the / Shattered pieces back together"
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Post by ScarletMornings on May 21, 2005 10:24:02 GMT -8
i thought it was perfect.
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Post by Confusion on May 21, 2005 12:45:20 GMT -8
wow, you have such an amazing and unusual style of writing in all your pieces!!! they are all very unique!
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Post by Sparks on May 22, 2005 6:37:44 GMT -8
Really cool. Yeah, you definitely have your own way of writing things. It's good though. People need to have that. I don't know if I could find anything wrong with it. I like the segment about the boy on the roof. Good call on this one, it's really very good.
Peace and love
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