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Post by Sparks on Apr 17, 2005 8:55:01 GMT -8
A devil woke me from my rest; his heart hung limp outside his chest His eyes were December like I remember and His suit jacket: his best. His words connected with my mouth before he even let them out He said “This is where you want to be”<br>He wanted me to shout. The bloody space between his fingertips as they traced above my skin Dotted lines and garbled rhymes And sequence setting in. His lips as red as retinas, he was destroying what I made My future: Brain dead, Blemished I said he stole—he said I gave. He could sense my powerless submission, admission to his decision He said “The nighttime hides deceit. Its coming is its mission.”<br>And so with that a virgin splurge, gorge, my devil, he indulged I whispered in his empty ears That we were going straight to hell.
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Post by Pseudomuse on Apr 21, 2005 17:43:55 GMT -8
You done spectaculary again...BRAVO! I just love this especially the rhyme and meter and how it flows. YEAH!
cheers PM
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Post by Queen of Rain on Apr 22, 2005 6:14:21 GMT -8
hmm im so sure i commented on this!! anyways, i find it a great poem and i love the lawrentian plya on what is beautiful and what is horrible and how close those are.. there is a some joyce carol oates feeling over it, and it amazes me as she is my favorite author..
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Post by Sparks on Apr 22, 2005 12:05:45 GMT -8
Thanks a bunch And I've never heard of Joyce Carol Oates. But I should look into it probably.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Apr 22, 2005 13:11:12 GMT -8
go read "Where are you going, where have you been" or any other of her amazing short stories... i think ull appreciate the reading a lot..
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Post by ScarletMornings on Apr 30, 2005 19:14:01 GMT -8
yeah, i'm lost on the oates thing too. no offense, rain, i just don't read as much contemporary stuff as i should. but wow, lately i've been not liking rhyming poetry as much(although my attempts at nonrhyming are probably are not very good) but this was great rhyming. the words you used to rhyme weren't commonplace and cliche, but interesting and unforced. very, very, very wicked sweet idea. i LOVE the imagery. i just wish i could write in that caliber. oh well, perhaps god will favor me with some spectacular muse in my head someday and i'll be famous. here's to wishing.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Apr 30, 2005 19:15:47 GMT -8
oh, and i especially love the line "I whispered in his empty ears That we were going straight to hell" it was great.
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