Happyeverafter

[Queen of Rain]

Happyeverafter

The only thing that ever was!
(was that we were never meant to be)
Our love was the most
beautiful thing.
Platonic
(You weren’t even enough
attracted
to try to get me laid)

The time is not
ours now
(I seem to be at the right place
At the wrong time)

So I wish you the best luck
In finding what you’re looking for

(Since I still adore you
And cant go on
Since I wonder what I do wrong)



first draft, written at 2 am... but yes, leave a comment or something...

[ScarletMornings]

it seems like the narrator is humbling herself, and i'm just a bit too much of a femenist not to say something, if that makes sense, but it sound like a pretty good first draft to me!

[Queen of Rain]

oh ill consider that when i revise it, if that is the image the reader gets its very wrong (esp since many of my poems is about strength and female sexuality).... it only aims to show how she is a bit bitter and really adores this guy, i mean I cud just as well have written it with a male narrator...

this poem was an attempt to write things without sick amounts of symbols and stuff and try to make it real that way, but its a spur of the moment writing about how i felt in the middle of the night talking to my ex that inspired this poem, aand im not that supressed...

but thank you for your wise comments

[Pseudomuse]

I like this poem muchly! hehheh. I also really like the connection the title has with the poem, the unspoken unity. Though at the end of the first stanza, the sentance in parenthases (I cna't spell today), seems to stop the flow. The 'even enough' is a bit of a tounge stopper. But otherwise very nice job. Raw poety is usually the best.

PM

[ScarletMornings]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! funny. my wise comments. god, i wish. i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. ignore me.
you're great.