Where March Never Ends

[Queen of Rain]

Where March Never Ends (working on a better title)

It was one of those days
When the sun cant quite get through

I’m waiting for the bus from the city, six o’clock
You weren’t on the last one but I’m sure this is it
Like a father is waiting
For his baby to arrive

As the sun goes down the clocks tick on
Ticking eternally
As it is stillborn

Its like that song
with a girl running on
With a skadeskjuten magpie
An though its to late she keeps on running
I wait for another bus to drive past
And the father sulks and awaitens reply
That silent baby’s cry

Perhaps you missed that bus
Perhaps your tried to call me
Perhaps the baby is just one of those
That does not scream
Perhaps the magpie will heal its wings

Then the hours go by
The blood turns dark
Doctors arrive by sunset
A Miscarriage in mid-march

[Ramona]

I think you could have a better ending, but ti's fine just the way it is. I like how you tied all those different things together and the poem, overall, was beautiful.

[Queen of Rain]

thakn you yes I know i need to work on the edning.. i have it in my head but cant quite formulate it, sotmehting about love miscarriage, perhaps hope miscarried (as the magipie is hope) ill work on it..

[Queen of Rain]

HAHA noticed I never changed the swedish word in it! the magipie is "skadeskjuten", i cant find a word for it, its shot but not dead?

[Pseudomuse]

I swore I commented on this last night, I must be loosing it in my old age...hehehe. I really like this poem, I think leaving the word in swedish makes it more powerful. awesome imagery. definetly got the point across to me. I like the title too it fits.

PM

[roxiecheerchika]

I liked it alot.....especially the hidden rhyming.....like you didnt noe it was coming and then it was there.....it was subtle but good.....and the way u tied all the things together to one meaning was awesome....i actually kinda liked the ending....do u hav any more poems like it?

[foxyvolleyballchic]

I feel so slow. I kinda get it but i dont think wut I think is close to write. But besides that I liked it!

[Queen of Rain]

thanx guys, missed those last posts on this one.. im glad you liked it... In this poem I want to describe the feeling of being left by someone you really want and how we to the last minute live with the hope... hence i compare the father with a stillborn child, with a girl trying to save a badly hurt magpie, and with a girl being left by the one she loves (symbolised by him not showing up for their meeting)

[ScarletMornings]

well, dang, i loved that. i probably wouldn't quite have grasped the whole subtle message by myself, but since you explained it, everything just kind of clicks, and i LOOOOOOOVE! this poem. i think the endings great. and i love the title. so, cool. great job.