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Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 25, 2005 10:46:49 GMT -8
tamarind flowers (and)
lowlit skies (are)
my harbor
small seashells in the sand
turn the sky pink through my looking glass
while rocky cliffs don brightlightning Dover-style
converting my similes to metaphors.
this solitude is breathtakingly quiet (the)
kind that only looks good and nostalgic
on
black
&
white
film
barren
of all pigment
just for the moment
this
is
heaven
[/b] is wilting tamarind flowers and lowlit skies into memory. [/pre][/size] |
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Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 25, 2005 13:21:55 GMT -8
very lovely. a few parts seemed a little off, but a good job all in all.
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Post by Queen of Rain on Apr 3, 2005 0:49:17 GMT -8
excellent and condensed to perfektion, i wud reccomend a line break after "small seashells", to make rhythm better... great otherwise and not incomprehensable even though it contains many deep symbols..
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Post by ScarletMornings on Apr 3, 2005 9:39:24 GMT -8
when i read this again,(and realized there was words way over on the right side that helped a lot) i decided i loved it. great job.
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