Nihilism (revised)

Pseudomuse
Senior Writer

We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

Posts: 489

Nihilism (revised) Mar 16, 2005 23:53:10 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 16, 2005 23:53:10 GMT -8

Its revised...finally. I think I might change the name though to something along the lines of 'Reason' or 'Vampiric Lullabies' something like that.

lurf PM

Nihilism

Blood slips off the tongue
This should be wine
Not acid
Even water would be preferable.
The bite on your neck
So like a hickie is
Where I leave my mark;
My soul imprinted in your subservient skin
Its flesh I crave
Sinking teeth split the skin
And blood not wine
Is drippingdribbling down my chin
Burning lesions on my foulsordid lips.
And I am grateful for this chance
This nihilism, this delve of nepotism
That eats at my ears
And
Gouges my insides alight.
You bend in my disillusioned spectrum
Abiding by pragmatic rules
So prim and proper in hindsight
And I deluge into radiant accessories
To blind myself
In effort to try and find
Where you’re coming from.
And this blood, which should be wine
A merlot perhaps
Slides erotically staining the alabaster chassis
Of the neck
And I am grateful for this chance
To behave like I should, to not have to
Excuse or placate answers
This nihilism, this delve of nepotism
That you’ve creating is
Refreshing and temperate
And now I see where you’re coming
From.

Last Edit: Apr 9, 2005 13:00:44 GMT -8 by Pseudomuse

You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion"

I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way.

If you want to call me that, smile.

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Queen of Rain
Senior Writer

I'm Swedish, that should explain it all..

Posts: 614

Nihilism (revised) Mar 17, 2005 4:00:11 GMT -8

Quote

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 17, 2005 4:00:11 GMT -8

i like the imagery but the poem feels unfocused and hard to follow... the reader is drawn into the poem which is great because it looks for that answer t it all, yet it feels like you never return to it all... hmm interesting poem but it culd require som more focus...

A ship in a harbour is safe, but that's not what a ship is built for

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	Nihilism (revised) Mar 18, 2005 9:39:35 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 18, 2005 9:39:35 GMT -8 yeah this poem really lacks direction after the first few lines, i am going to try and revise as best as possible and post that later. thanks for the review. PM
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

taliesin Novice Posts: 8	Nihilism (revised) Mar 24, 2005 23:00:25 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by taliesin on Mar 24, 2005 23:00:25 GMT -8 Wow, it's pretty good. Aside from some typos, I think the concept itself may be a bit vague-I kept thinking about a vampire sinking his teeth into the neck of a victim. Maybe this wasn't the intended image?

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	Nihilism (revised) Mar 25, 2005 10:54:18 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 25, 2005 10:54:18 GMT -8 danke, yeah the last line is going to be removed i don't particulary like it. hmmm yeah, ill work on this poem a little later and see what comes out of this. but thanks. PM
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	Nihilism (revised) Apr 9, 2005 13:01:11 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Apr 9, 2005 13:01:11 GMT -8 its revised....oh YEAH! PM
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

foxyvolleyballchic Guest	Nihilism (revised) Apr 12, 2005 13:19:52 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by foxyvolleyballchic on Apr 12, 2005 13:19:52 GMT -8 I think its good right 2 the verge of creppy!

Pseudomuse Senior Writer We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer. Posts: 489	Nihilism (revised) Apr 12, 2005 16:52:52 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Pseudomuse on Apr 12, 2005 16:52:52 GMT -8 yeah, thats what happens when you watch too many vampire movies. hehheh. PM
	You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living s**t out of you. - Horoscope in "The Onion" I thought you just said we were done doing things the stupid way. If you want to call me that, smile. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

ScarletMornings Administration http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/ednamillay/7278 Posts: 1,061	Nihilism (revised) Apr 13, 2005 16:56:25 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ScarletMornings on Apr 13, 2005 16:56:25 GMT -8 i loved this. so much. vampires are so fascinating.
	"Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from "Dirge Without Music" Go to the link and read it!

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 16, 2005 23:53:10 GMT -8

Post by Queen of Rain on Mar 17, 2005 4:00:11 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 18, 2005 9:39:35 GMT -8

Post by taliesin on Mar 24, 2005 23:00:25 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Mar 25, 2005 10:54:18 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Apr 9, 2005 13:01:11 GMT -8

Post by foxyvolleyballchic on Apr 12, 2005 13:19:52 GMT -8

Post by Pseudomuse on Apr 12, 2005 16:52:52 GMT -8

Post by ScarletMornings on Apr 13, 2005 16:56:25 GMT -8