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Post by Ramona on Jan 10, 2006 9:05:40 GMT -8
I dunno, it all seems very emo to me, and I'm just not good with that kind of thing. I'm usually a rather happy person, so I'll just leave before I make a fool of myself. Sorry I can't help.
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Post by Ramona on Jan 6, 2006 10:29:14 GMT -8
Yeah, I'd like to see the lyrics, too.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 30, 2005 9:27:29 GMT -8
Very cliche, but I like the format because although the rhymes were simple they didn't seem forced or anything. The line "24 hours past" seems to break the rhythm a little bit.
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"Shoe"
Nov 10, 2005 8:13:41 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Nov 10, 2005 8:13:41 GMT -8
There's nothing wrong with angsty lyrics as long as they're not typical or unoriginal, which this definitely isn't. I like the whole shoe thing, but it seems like in some parts you were just looking for a something to rhyme with.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 10, 2005 8:15:26 GMT -8
Yeah, I know how that feels. It's just usually when I try to do that I get so blinded by my emotions that I freak out and can't write anything decent. But you made something beautiful.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 9, 2005 8:02:04 GMT -8
Wow, this song is so awesome, I really like the chorus. The entire concept is very touching and you made a great song out of it.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 9, 2005 8:08:18 GMT -8
I like the conept of this song, but the "I'll be your fantasy" lines just seem kind of wrong to me. I'm sorry I'm not more help.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 9, 2005 8:07:02 GMT -8
I like this, but I've always loved references to dreaming. And you said "surreal" which is one of my all-time favorite words. A very nice song indeed, but I think in a few parts it needs some work on rhythm.
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Post by Ramona on Nov 7, 2005 9:24:29 GMT -8
W0w, y0ur friend is 0K n0w, right? S0rry ab0ut the 0's, the 0 key 0n this sch00l p00ter is stuck. Anyway, I liked this alright, I mean, it c0uld use m0re imagery and m0re descriptive, 0riginal ideas but I understand where y0u're c0ming fr0m. I liked the line "Death may be c0ming/inside a b0mbshell."
Ram0na
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Post by Ramona on Nov 9, 2005 8:04:14 GMT -8
I love the chorus and the entire song is so unique and it so well-described. It feels so personal and so real. This is my fave line "Cause believe it or not you’re the one tainting the world with pain."
Ramona
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Post by Ramona on Nov 5, 2005 13:24:13 GMT -8
OK, you probably shouldn't use ChatSpeak because sometimes it makes things more confusing and I think you should seperate out the lines. The poem didn't make sense in the beginning, you need to work on your clarity.
Ramona
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Post by Ramona on Oct 14, 2005 8:39:09 GMT -8
No problem.
Ramona
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Post by Ramona on Oct 12, 2005 14:57:34 GMT -8
I like the part of the chorus where you say "her nightmarea are real/unlike yours in your head." i like the rest of the song, too, but that part's real cool.
Ramona
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Don't
Sept 30, 2005 7:41:14 GMT -8
Post by Ramona on Sept 30, 2005 7:41:14 GMT -8
I LOVE the chorus on this one, "You count on me somehow," it's just the essence of promises.
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Post by Ramona on Sept 20, 2005 8:24:45 GMT -8
Very nice, my post is totally late. I especially liked this part in the second stanza, "I smile as you walk away, It's not like I meant to."
This part, however, " I know you will because, Before it has happened." Sounds kind of odd to me, maybe instead say because/ it has happened before." It just seems kind of awkwardly worded to me.
Ramona
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