This Is Why I'm Hot

[ScarletMornings]

okay, first attempt in a loooong while. don't be tooo harsh on me...

Hot, hot heat.
the cool whispers on my skin
do nothing to alleviate
the tension

can you feel my heart pounding
I wonder
how could so soft, so chill
a breath
set me on fire?

Burn, baby, burn.
it’s been so long
but the wild sweet
taste of you
rushes it in

I lost my way
but you trace me back
to the silk road
I wonder how
I wandered so
long?

Touching hands.
my body is crying for you
it feels what comes
even if my mind has forgotten
the relapse

there’s a shiver, shiver, shiver
down my arched spine
pearl-smooth caresses on my skin
you’re so close I feel
your pounding
heart

Hello, darlin’.
This is why I’m hot.

[Ramona]

do nothing to alleviate
the tension
I'm thinking this should maybe be one line 'cause the line break is kind of awkward.

but the wild sweet
taste of you
Again with the line break, but I love the phrase "The wild sweet taste of you."

I lost my way
but you trace me back
to the silk road
I wonder how
I wandered so
long?
This entire stanza is just brilliant. I love the imagery of it. But it sort of doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. Maybe you should include more references to the idea of being lost and this person helping you back in the rest of the poem.

there’s a shiver, shiver, shiver
down my arched spine
The repetition of "shiver" seems a bit much. "arched spine"=perfect imagery.

you’re so close I feel
your pounding
heart

Again, kind of awkward line breaks, but nice tie to the question in stanza 2.

[cry,crayola.]

really,
i think, going along with ramona, that the line breaks are what bug me about this piece. it's just too cut up.