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Post by ScarletMornings on Mar 26, 2007 17:56:05 GMT -8
I stretch my hand my fingers feel a phantom brush a butterfly kiss on my skin that isn’t quite there still
I hear the wind sigh around me just a little farther and it tries to lift me up granting me half-formed wings but I always fall short it seems
The wise trees nod their heads wisely their gnarled countenances unsurprised their green leaves shhing in agreement the whole tree swaying disappointed again
The river runs swiftly by sighing rippling sighs babbling and laughing over rocks at me playfully teasing my failure with fluid hilarity
The emerald blades below shake and wiggle their disapproval tickling my feet so I will leave the ground their shelter for all creatures unextended to me
They keep acting like if I reached a little farther jumped a little higher worked a little harder it would be easily in my grasp nature is telling me don’t quit
Yet even the earth doesn’t understand I can see the blue of the sky but I will never feel it for my visions always seem to exceed my grasp
So I fall short back to the earth who shuns failure and then gaze up at the sky that eludes me alongside success
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Post by cry,crayola. on Mar 29, 2007 17:04:51 GMT -8
i think it's beautifully written with all of the elements there to make it astonishing, but it really just didn't come to life for me. technically, it's great. but how it was received and perceived is where it kind of fell for me. i think it has to do with the beginning. i'm not sure, but make it more appealing; more alluring?
i don't know.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Aug 14, 2007 10:17:51 GMT -8
well i kinda wanted it to just seem...faint, i guess. like the emotion is caught with the narrator in between success and failure and no one else can quite get to it. if that makes any sense.
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Post by cry,crayola. on Aug 15, 2007 7:35:43 GMT -8
i understand that connection, but still, it's just kind of dry. you think the narrator would have more of a drive or conviction in the reach for their grasp. i can't feel the actual involvement. unless it's more like an observation. still, though, it seems like a half hearted evaluation.
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Post by ScarletMornings on Aug 29, 2007 19:19:27 GMT -8
well the point is, the author is the only one who feels the helplessness and the pointlessness of trying...everyone else seems to think they should be able to and the author KNOWS they can't...so they can't care..
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