Dreaming Up A Storm

[ScarletMornings]

two lightning strikes in a cat’s eyes
a burden I clutch close
for reflected in those eyes is the storm brewing
cats hate the rain, my dear

as I am sure splatters split into velvet mud puddles in the drive
I hurry my way up a road slowly
enforced upon me is the will o’ the wind through the trees
a distinct dark holds me back with breeze-linked hands
hurry is a necessity I must do without
though it seems the rain drops without regard to anyone
sometimes I wonder if even God controls a storm

and the cat squirms against me softly
mewling protests of the un-cat nips of the night
I hunch my shoulders forward over my arms
bearing forward stoically and bearing the night in the fur of my bundle

the drive appears before me in all its rain-soaked glory
a river of rivulets draining towards my feet from the mouth of the storm
a single careless slip could land me in a flood
I step carefully
ever aware until I reach the relative haven of my door
kicking off my sopping shoes and trailing the storm behind me to my room
while the house around me shudders and rattles in the gale

the cat indignantly flounces from my arms
and regally begins to clean himself on my bedspread
forgetting his escape necessitated our little storm stroll
I though someone said cats didn’t like the rain?

I curl in a ball on the bed
the lightning flashes through the window
showing me the world as it’s rent apart by giants and their light
as their graceful lovers dance down furiously
I can see clear through their pure forms before they suicide against my drive
and are reborn as they gather
and are shocked back into life by the glow of their giants’ light love

it feels as if the weight of the world is on me
blinking eyes slit and reveal to me the cat again
perched on the throne of the pillow draped across my chest
did I dream our struggle through the rain and wind and dark?

I move to the window where the cat-footed mist daintily picks its way outside
the cat curls at my feet with a rumble like thunder
did I dream up my walk through the storm?
or will he have followed me to take me away
to his underwater castle in the sky?
I'm beginning to think that cats don’t mind the rain

[cry,crayola.]

i actually like this a lot. very very nice imagery and the flow was good, too. i quite enjoy the idea of it as well. i thought the beginning was less poetic than the ending, though.

i liked it!

[ScarletMornings]

anyone else? please?

[ScarletMornings]

pleeease...anyone? i want some crit on my old stuff before i do new stuff...

[cry,crayola.]

"cats hate the rain, my dear"
i think you should cut the "my dear." doesn't seem to fit there, to me.


"splatters split into velvet mud puddles in the drive"
love this. but the rest of the stanza just seems a little dead to me. like, i'm reading the actions, its just not captivating me or motivating me to picture it. maybe just because it's a lot to take in at one time. individually, it's all good imagery, but i think it loses some appeal when you have it all together. maybe.

"mewling protests of the un-cat nips of the night"
not sure if un-cat nips makes much sense, in my opinion.

"I can see clear through their pure forms before they suicide against my drive
and are reborn as they gather
and are shocked back into life by the glow of their giants' light love"
this is brilliant.

"it feels as if the weight of the world is on me"
and this just doesn't seem to fit, as well. it just might be referring back to the feeling i haven't, personally, received yet throughout. the rest of the stanza, though, you nailed. the last stanza too.

just what i said before, the end seems more poetic than the beggining. it contains those phrases that make you nod your head and smile, becuase they're so clever, but there's just the emotion missing from it. maybe it's supposed to be empty.

i don't know.